The only way I know how to follow up that introduction from Mr Exclusive is to speak plainly and elaborately on the subject of frattiness. Essentially, take everything you just read and throw it out the window, because that’s not fratty nor is it Exclusive.
“Fratty.” It’s a word that is slowly creeping into the everyday American vernacular. According to the Really Chill Lexicon (RCL) Volume III, the word is defined as “a state of being where you put a fraternal lifestyle above anything else.” The word has bound a generic 18-34 year old male – who was formely in a fraternal organization at one point in his life – to a lifelong set of traditions and virtues. There are whole websites (frattinghard.com, brobible.com, and broslikethissite.com) dedicated to fratting at all times.
Sweet
And yet, these definitions could not be further from the truth. Frattiness has no gender and certainly no age limit. In fact, there’s a little secret that you, the casual reader, might not be aware of: you didn’t have to be in a fraternity to be fratty (although it does help if you at least hazed at one point in your life, preferable in a sketchy basement… involving A lot of ice… and cold water….and maybe some Tabasco sauce. But I digress).
How will I know if I reach the “fratty” lifestyle?
First, one must realize that fratting hard isn’t a lifestyle, its an art form. It’s the internal mindset of an individual which allows him/her to – for lack of a better term – “not give a shit about what most people think.”
Fratting really hard
Being really fratty is the latin equivalent to being Really Chill. Furthermore, you don’t just wake up one day and become fratty. The lifestyle known as Fratting must originate in a family trait that has been passed down for many generations.
After mapping the human genome, scientists have attributed frattiness to the gene IL-10 (Interlukin 10) which is known to display “potent abilities to suppress the antigen presentation capacity of antigen presenting cells.”
Interleukin 10, Otherwise known as the "Frat Gene"
We, frat stars, refer to the intricate science as Frattiness Selection. It’s nature over nurture but like the American Dream, there are exceptions to every rule. Here are the fundamental tenants of being fratty and can help you reach extreme levels of fratting, even if nature hasn’t been so kind:
- Be an Athlete.
- This is not confined strictly to the realm of athletics. Being an athlete is a mindset. If you can’t play – you coach. If you can’t coach, you watch. Its that simple.
- Being a part of athletics teaches you how to pick yourself up after being knocked down. (And yes, joining a fraternal organization will break you if you haven’t heard.)
- Also included: Playing “pong’ until the wee hours of the morning and living in the worst possible housing available.
- Winning, at all costs.
- Being fratty means you are never wrong, EVER. Even when you are wrong, you’re still RIGHT.
- If it means taking trips across the country, you do so in the most brazen yet frugal way possible – through The South.
- Being Fratty as defined in the RCL as a “passion to win (Wynn) at all costs.”
- To give is to recieve.
- Every great scholar of fraternal organizations understands this basic premise: You got to where you are because of the people who came before you. As you make your way through pledging realize this:
- Next year, you get to be on the giving end and -
- you had to receive the blessing before you give it (Yes I just implied that any form of hazing is, in fact, a blessing).
- As discussed in the first tenant of being an athlete, know that what doesn’t kill will, in fact, make you stronger (it’s science, don’t argue with science you’ll never win).
How can I join this brotherhood of men? (by men we mean the human race, remember being fratty is gender neutral)
This is honestly a great question. If you are reading this and realize you have missed out on one of the greatest God-given experiences on this Earth then fear not, for you can make some simple changes to the way you conduct yourself in order to be more “Fratty.”
Gleeful, Fraternity brothers
- Drinking
- Just do it and don’t stop. I’ve seen sweet bro’s drink during finals, or better yet drinking in the office just to let everyone else know how chill they really are.
- Also remember, whenever you are presented with an option of beers, ALWAYS take the shittier option (and don’t be last ordering – you don’t want to know why, so don’t ask).
- Whenever possible, inconvenience neighbors, family members, and loved ones with the boisterous noise of fratneral living (remember drinking doesn’t count unless everyone else knows you are drinking more than they are).
- Socializing
- It goes with out saying (and is usually the most envied part of being in a fraternal organization) that being fratty requires socializing at all times. Don’t wait to be called on – volunteer (again, don’t ask why) and NEVER be last.
- Talk about frat parties & mixers at all times. “Yeah, this one time at a mixer with…” Let them know what really went down.
- Drinking and Socializing – Otherwise known as “Winning”
- Something beautiful things happens anytime you mix socializing and drinking in the same place.
- The ancient greeks called it “gewinnen” which is greek for “Winning” and you can indulge as well
- Think:
- Drinking Games
- Theme Parties
- Sketchy Afterhours
Does fratting have its limits?
NO, and don’t make me have to remind you.
In many cases, I’ve seen women fratting harder then men. Fratting inside, fratting outside, literally fratting everywhere. Whenever you feel like you are the center of attention, this is your time to shine (preferably using one of the various drinking techniques which we will delve into later - see the “mailman“).
Remember that you can’t spell “really chill” without “fraternity.” If you start correcting that sentence then you are one of “those guys” who just DON’T get it. More on them later
With love,
Frat Guy
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