The New York Times made headway this morning, taking a break from mainstream, plebeian topics like cilantro and those Tea Party people and instead, giving us a glimpse into where the most exclusive people on this planet live. Halfay between Africa and South America? 1000 miles off the coast of New Zealand? The capital of Greenland. They’ve got it covered.
About mr exclusive
Yeah, so like, mr exclusive is so exclusive he doen't have anyone's number except his own, he eats dinners by himself, and he rents out clubs so he can hang out alone
follow on twitter @thatsexcl
The Most Exclusive Places to Live in the World via NYTimes
REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/17/10
Last week, we gave you an education in an integral phrase of every chill star’s lexicon: Killing It. For those craving some extra practice in fraticulture, please try using the variations of Killing It: “Murder/Murk” and KOKI (Kind Of Killing It).
This week we bring you a new phrase: #2 DALOW
DALOW: acronym for: Do A Lot Of Work. Origin: Greek. Verb. To accomplish more than what is normal or expected with the opposite sex. (*Note “work” does not refer to one’s profession, unless one’s profession is “killing it.”)
Variations: Did a lot of work, doing a lot of work.
Used in a context:
1. “Shawn, where are you?” “I’m at some stupid art gallery opening but there’s a ton of hot girls and all the guys are hipsters, so I’ve already got five numbers, and made out with some girl in the bathroom. I’m DALOW.”
2. “Yo did you do work last night” “Nahh…couldn’t DALOW. Shit got waay too weird at the bar.”
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The Red Shirt: Winning
Red Shirt (n) – a stock “cannon fodder” character in fiction, particularly in Star Trek (the original series)
yeaahhh…nnaaahhh.
Red Shirt (n) – a term referring to delaying a college athlete’s participation in order to lengthen eligibility.
Ask any former or current Varsity football player about the coveted Red Shirt and you’ll be instantly met with a smile. After all, there’s no better way to spend freshman year than learning from the upperclassmen on the football field while partying and doing tons of work off the field in the process.
Flashforward five years. College is over, you’ve retired your jersey in your parents’ living room, and the glory days of killing it in your frat house have long passed. To make matters worse, the recession has forced you away from the Center of The Universe – “New York City” – and back home to suburban Maryland. After all, being a highly recruited athlete can’t always land you a job in a shitty economy. You begin to wonder if you made a mistake not following your blockhead friends into the sick world of finance before The Dow plummeted.
That’s when you remember that you’re not losing. You’re just Red Shirting … all over again. Instead of making mistakes on the field, you’re sitting in front of the couch at your parents’ house, eating free meals, studying plays and watching old footage (Facebook). Instead of dropping passes (read: failing miserably at the bar), you’re waiting patiently in the wings to replace your washed out teammates.
You’re taking some time off to make yourself stronger and fitter in the long run, all while taking some “practice snaps” at your parents’ basement or NYC friends’ common areas. So don’t despair, you’ll play again soon enough.
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A Special New Year’s Message from Mr Exclusive [PODCAST]
Happy New Year!
Link to intro song: http://vokoder.fm/track/The-Fresh-Prince/Fresh-Prince-Of-Bel-Air-(-Mustard-Pimp-Remix)/
Announcements
- Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes!!! - http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=348117988
- Leave suggestions for next episodes “Is that chill?” in the comments section of this post
- Leave us a voicemail for next week’s episode, call us! 212-203-0483
MP3 File: A New Year Message From Mr Exclusive
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#1 – Exclusivity
It’s only fitting that the first dissertation in the age old quest of being a Really Chill Bro (RCB) is the cornerstone of All Things Chill (ATC): “Exclusivity.” Many a scripture has been written about this topic but nearly all have fallen short of capturing the essence of what it means to be Unapologetically Exclusive. It is with pride and great humility that I take on this challenge.
What is exclusivity?
Exclusivity as we know it is the phenomenon started by the ancestors of Mr Exclusive. It predated the Mesopotamic period and flourished in the land between the two rivers where Ancient Civilization began: the Tigris and the Euphrates. As Wikipedia states, this region is a place that is “widely considered as the cradle of civilization.”
Deep within the Akkadian Empire (ca. 2350 BCE–2193 BCE), young Naram-Sin, the emperor’s grandson and one of the forerunners of the Exclusivity Movement, began to crave out his own place in history. According to scripture, he was the first person in human history to consciously elect to do something by himself. #ThatsEXCL
Young Naram Sim spreading "Exclusivity" to all
People have trouble understanding that anything involving an invitation is inherently not exclusive. In fact, the act of not allowing other people to bask in your exclusivity is key to maximizing exclusivity. Every time you receive an invite from a promoter promoting a club so exclusive he himself cannot get in, just remember one thing: by rejecting his or her request, you are cementing yourself in the rich history of all beings who chose to take the exclusive path.
How can one be exclusive?
Great question. I wish I could just say, follow me for a day (Mr Exclusive) and you would get enough material to last a lifetime, but the act of being anywhere near me would diminish my own exclusivity. Therefore, follow these simple rules and the extensive research available on reallychill.org for more insight:
- Less is always more
- Saying “No” is the new “Yes”
- Winning by losing is the only way to win
Over the course of this journey of All Things Chill (ATC), we will delve into these topic with great detail.
When is it appropriate to be exclusive?
As the finally installment of my introduction, I thought it would only be appropriate to address this topic.
The answer is simple: All the time.
If someone asks you, “When can I expect your call?” Simply reply “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” If you’ve entered the level of Like Really Exclusive, (LRE), it may be okay to say something like, “that’s physically impossible because I have three phones and none of them take outside calls.” Fear not, for all this will become easier the more you read.
Just remember, one of the tenants of being really chill is your level of exclusivity.
With Love,
Mr Exclusive
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[PODCAST] Really Chill Cast 3 – Holiday Stories, NFL, Loopt, Foursquare & Manscaping
Really Chill Cast 3 - Holiday Stories, NFL, Loopt, Foursquare & Manscaping [24:24m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (65)Sit back and relax with mr exclusive and that guy, make sure you leave a funny voice mail on our new listener line: 212-203-0483 and we’ll play the funny ones next episode.
Holiday Stories
- Renting out a club for yourself #thatsexcl
- playing taboo with the family, watching movies
- eating a lot of ham
- flying a private jet but keeping it on the tarmac
Songs This week
- That Guy: The Game – Big Money
- Mr Exclusive: Ghostland Observatory – Sad Sad City
NFL’s Undefeated season
- Mr exclusive is not happy about pulling payton out of the game
- Obama we love you
Loopt & Foursquare
- Mr Westcoast lies about how exclusive he is
- Loopt is bad if you have a girlfriend
Is that chill? Manscaping
- Mr Exclusive: Yeahhhh, its like pretty chill: but it has limits, no eyebrows
- That Guy: Nahhhh, not that chill: but keep downstairs clean
Announcements
- Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes!!! – http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=348117988
- Leave suggestions for next episodes “Is that chill?” in the comments section of this post
- Leave us a voicemail for next week’s episode, call us! 212-203-0483
MP3 File: Really Chill Cast 3 – Holiday Stories, NFL & Manscaping.mp3
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Russian researcher invents the most exclusive way to pregame
So, like, I took a bit of a hiatus this past week to, you know, do things by myself. However, I felt compelled to share the newest, most exclusive way to pregame: by yourself — with a Vokda pill.
According to The Times of India, a Russian researcher has invented a pill that is the alcohol equivalent of a shot of vodka.
Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev of Saint Petersburg Technological University has evolved a technique that allows turning alcohol into powder and packing it in pills. The new technique can solidify any kind of alcohol, including whisky, cognac, wine and beer.
This is perfect alternative for exclusive individuals like myself. Now, we don’t have to waste precious time “drinking socially” with other people at the bar at the expense of our exclusivity. All I simply need to do is go to a remote part of the bar/club, whip out a couple of pills, and I’m drunk — all without dealing with more inferior patrons and bartenders.
We hear that this pill will be made commercially available in the U.S. soon and as soon as it does, I’m stocking up.
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The CEA – Counter Exclusivity Argument “#thatsexcl” [guide]
Yeah so like… last week I probably wrote the most exclusive thing on this site: Mr Exclusive’s Exclusivity? There’s an app for that Guide book
Anyway you guys are really lucky because I’m going to give you a piece of advice I usually charge commoners for. It’s this little known technique called the CEA: The Counter Exclusivity Argument.
Counter Exclusivity Argument
The Counter Exclusivity Argument is an art form used by exclusive individuals to refute claims of non-exclusivity. For example, if someone spots you (Lord forgive) waiting in line for something, you could use CEA to state:
“It’s actually more exclusive to be seen here in line, and have everyone else behind me, see me and then talk about me. Having people talk about you? #thatsexcl”
Notice that the above statement almost always ends in a proclamation of exclusivity (when online, you can abbreviate this statement by the hash tag “#thatsexcl” short for “that’s exclusive”).
The worst thing that an exclusive individual could possibly get accused of is being non-exclusive. That’s why I’ve come up with some simple tips on our to refute those outrageous claims in certain situations.
Being in a photograph with other people
If you’ve read the IPOE guide, this situation can clearly be justified
“Yeah, so like, I’m going to be in this picture so you can put it on your facebook, and then I can de-tag it, just so people will have to ask you who I am #thatsexcl”
Answering the phone
Again here, don’t be shy about lying. Try one of the examples from the exclusivity app guide.
“Hey, yeah I’m actually on the phone with myself (you called one phone from another phone – yours) so I can’t talk to you right now. #thatexcl”
Not going out
Consciously refusing to go out in order to be by yourself is exclusive by nature. However, going out, being seen, cutting lines, spending money, etc etc, are all exclusive as well, which presents an inherent contradiction. Here’s how I handle this one. Go ahead and make plans with friends and family. Make sure you plan it carefully; pick the time, place, location, all the activities you will be doing with them. When show time comes, and you’re not there, people freak out, try to call you, desperately attempting to figure out where you are.
Here’s how you deal with this:
“Yeah… so like, I was going to meet up with you guys, but I realized how much I enjoy spending time with myself. Soooo like me… not being seen with you…. yeah… #thatsexcl”
MY FAVORITE: Ordering multiple drinks
When you get caught ordering two drinks, use this (this is RICH):
“Well I’m ordering two drinks so that I can drink one and then tell the bartender to pour the other on his head if he wants a tip. This way, women can see that I have money to waste (excl) and I can force others to degrade themselves for my pleasure…also excl. #thatsexcl”
There you have it. Please use these tips sparingly and only when you have to. As always, remember to stay exclusive – mr excl
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Exclusivity? There’s an app for that [guide]
Yep, you knew it was coming… we had to touch on this, because it’s getting out of control. Verizon and AT&T are going tit for tat over who has more 3G coverage, which network is bigger, what phone can run more apps – iPhone vs Droid – etc. Let me put this issue to bed right now.
The exclusive guide to technology and smart phones
Best Option: Not having a phone
The writing is on the wall. There’s no better proverbial f-you than when someone asks you, “Hey! what’s your number?” and being able to definitely say… “yeah… about that number… don’t have one, sorry.” The sheer look and expression of utter bewilderment that in the new digital millennium, you would actually choose to not participate with the rest of modern society (that’s exclusive).
The only thing more exclusive than not owning a phone, is not knowing the number to your own phone. Not because you are stupid, just because you never give it out #thatsexcl.
Imagine this, you’re at an interview, the interviewer is reviewing your resume, they ask the simple question? “hey, so your resume looks great! We’re going to definitely follow up with you on this, I noticed you didn’t leave any contact information… how would you like us to get in contact you?”
AH HA! You’ve got them exactly where you want them, this is it, this is the moment you know you are the most exclusive person in the room, the office, possible the entire world. You answer: “yeah… about contacting me… don’t worry about, i’ll contact you.” When you can convincingly walk out of a room and say that, that’s when you know, you’re like REALLY chill.
Next Best Option: Having Multiple phones
Personally, this is the option I choose. I have 3 phones
Phone #1 – this is the number everyone knows about (not exclusive). I usually don’t pick it up – you know, unless it’s receiving a call from one of my two other phones. Yes, you read this correctly, I actually have another phone that’s so exclusive it only calls my other phone. #thatsexcl.
Phone #2 – This phone is only used to call phone #1. I use this to call myself to remind me how exclusive I am.
Phone #3 – this is the phone I make outgoing calls from. I have a phone for the sole purpose of calling other phones but the number remains private so that no one will ever be able to call me back. The only two numbers stored in the contact book are phone #1 and phone #2.
So remember kids, the next time someone asks your opinion on a smart phone, and you wish to exhibit maximum exclusivity, you can definitively say:
“I really don’t know and I really don’t care. If you’re looking for a phone, I can’t help you because I don’t have one (you can say this even if you do have one). In fact, there’s an app for not having a phone: it’s called being exclusive.”
Mr Exclusive – late
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The Least Exclusive Holiday of the Year – Thanksgiving
Yeah yeah yeah, everyone relax. I’ve received a number emails and tweets about mr exclusive only writing one post so far… guess what? That’s because I’m being, like, exclusive.
There’s been a lot of “that guy” this, “frat guy” that, “mr stereo-clown” nonsense on this site lately. Which is why I’m back to right the ship, set the record straight, reclaim the title of the chillest author on this site.
Anyway, without further ado let’s – and by “let’s” I mean, “me” (not that we would ever do anything together and god forbid at the same time in the same room) – dig in.
The Basics of Thanksgiving Exclusivity
The fundamental problem with the holidays is the values are completely at odds with everything exclusivity represents. Let me illustrate.
During Thanksgiving Day families and friends usually gather for a large meal or dinner … Thanksgiving Eve, the night before Thanksgiving, is one of the busiest nights of the year for bars and clubs, as many college students and others return to their hometowns to reunite with friends and family.[27]
1 a : excluding or having power to exclude b : limiting or limited to possession, control, or use by a single individual or group
2 a : excluding others from participation b : snobbishly aloof
3 a : accepting or soliciting only a socially restricted patronage (as of the upper class) b : stylish, fashionable c : restricted in distribution, use, or appeal because of expense
I really wish I was making this up, but facts are facts. Thanksgiving is inherently non-exclusive. It focuses on foriegn concepts like “being with other people” or “gathering” – whatever that even means.
You might call me hypocritical because in my previous post about IPOE, I stated one must seek a lot of friends on facebook and followers on twitter. But, if you recall, this is merely to misdirect people into NOT physically being able to meet up with you.
How should you maximize your exclusivity on Thanksgiving? Here are some suggestions:
- Location
- Eat in the most exclusive place possible. Don’t hold back here, make sure it’s really hard to get to, or ultra expensive – just so you can let everyone else know that you’re still “killing it” in the “recession.” (Suggestion – try having thanksgiving dinner on your own yacht, make sure you’re the only one invited, and the only other people around are servers and cooks.)
- Eat in the most exclusive place possible. Don’t hold back here, make sure it’s really hard to get to, or ultra expensive – just so you can let everyone else know that you’re still “killing it” in the “recession.” (Suggestion – try having thanksgiving dinner on your own yacht, make sure you’re the only one invited, and the only other people around are servers and cooks.)
- Food
- Don’t cut corners here, you must make sure everyone else knows how exclusive you are. Order your thanksgiving feast from the most exotic place possible – you know, like, buy a wild turkey, ship it to Antarctica, and then a year later send a search and rescue team to capture this exclusive poultry. Make sure you perform this function a place where turkeys do not exist naturally. Of course, the more people you displace and inconvenience with your exclusive antics, the better.
- Don’t cut corners here, you must make sure everyone else knows how exclusive you are. Order your thanksgiving feast from the most exotic place possible – you know, like, buy a wild turkey, ship it to Antarctica, and then a year later send a search and rescue team to capture this exclusive poultry. Make sure you perform this function a place where turkeys do not exist naturally. Of course, the more people you displace and inconvenience with your exclusive antics, the better.
- Staff and support services
- Spare no expenses here, this will make or break your exclusive event:
- Photographers (it’s not exclusive unless other people know how exclusive it is)
- World renound chef – make sure he/she can’t spend the day with their family. At first, he may resist, but remind him that
being alone on Thanksgiving (or lucky enough to be in your presence) is the most exclusive thing he could possibly do.
- Photographers (it’s not exclusive unless other people know how exclusive it is)
- Spare no expenses here, this will make or break your exclusive event:
There you have it. Keep is simple, and to yourself, waste money and yeah be exclusive.
Oh yeah, and the only thing to be thankful for is yourself (that’s really excl), so dis-invite your family from your meal.
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