A debate between Frat Guy and Mr. West Coast.
During a recent trip back to their alma mater frat guy and mr west coast had two things on their mind: getting weird and DALOW. In order to accomplish these goals, however, each man took separate paths. In the end, their journeys left each of them arguing which was the right path, or rather, which was less wrong…
Frat Guy’s Night: Instead of going out to all the college bars, I decided to go by myself (excl) down to the sketchier townie bars. Once there, my lack of a posse advertised that I was single and ready to DALOW. This aura immediately attracted attention from an older woman across the bar. She came over to me (not having to make the move? excl) and we started to chat it up. After a few drinks I found out that she works at the college I went to, is 39, and an ex-swimsuit model. It showed.
She had the eye of the cougar, and the quick analysis of her ringless finger proved she was hungry for a kill. Drinks turned to shots, 11pm turned to 1am, and before I knew it, I was walking her out the bar with my arm around her. I had only promised to “walk her to the car,” but the car proved to be den enough for this cougar. What ensued could only be described as aggressive. This woman-a decade and a half my senior-gave me a quick education in the backseat of the car on why women really are like a fine wine…
Mr West Coast’s Night: Some fellow bros and I headed to an army-themed party at the frathouse for some good old college-style partying. While drinking in one of the rooms I was introduced to two young freshman donning some serious fatigues. After talking to one from LA for a bit, I was interrupted mid-sentence when Juicy came on; “Hold on, this is my song.” Regardless of the fact she was 4 when this was released, that’s like a REALLY chill song to call “yours.”
A little more background revealed I wasn’t dealing with your typical 19 year-old Orange County girl. Juicy gave way to a sketchy closed-door dance party with multiple freshman girls and my fellow brahs (all 24, mind you). After a few shots and more drinks, the sketchiness continued on the bottom floor, where the party was going down. Conveniently, some worthless pledges had constructed some sort of “P.O.W. cage” which immediately served as grounds for freshman-year-style grinding and dancing. If there’s one thing west coast girls know how to do, it’s drop it like its hot. None of this, I grew up in an all-girls-east-coast-boarding-school-where-thinking-about-boys-was-illegal-so-i-barely-move-my-hips-type dancing. After leaving to grab another brewski I lost track of said freshman, but received a text: “ummm you’re like really chill.” She…GETS it. Unfortunately I had to leave for the bars and smaller age gaps, but her ensuing bbm game proved to be just as sharp as mine as she referred to me as “bro,” “hommie,” and “fool” all in the same convo. She really did read at a graduate level because that’s wisdom beyond her years when it comes to west coast communication… which leads me to state: if grinding with girls born after the Wall fell is wrong…I don’t want to be right.
The Verdict: by Mr Exclusive
While I’m so exclusive I only hook up with myself, I was actually chosen to moderate this debate of older vs younger, real housewives vs gossip girl, or days of our lives vs. the hills. Allow us to take examples from Hollywood-a place with all the answers. Example A: Hollywood Cradle Robbers:
Some people might “frown” upon anyone out of college having any sort of contact with underclassmen. Lets look at Livestrong and Michelle (I didn’t bother learning the twin’s name because having someone look exactly like you isn’t excl). When she was 19, he was 34. Should we continue? When Catherine Zeta-Jones was 19, M. Douglas was 44, and when Anna Nicole was 19, J Howard Marshall was 84 (and probably dead). Now these were some of America’s “sweethearts,” and America didn’t have a problem with those cradle robbers. But agreeing with America and Hollywood isn’t always excl. Lets look at Frat Guy’s scenario.
Example B: Hollywood Cougar Hunters
Most any guy will tell you Ashton’s a legend. Bruce got too old and bald, so the young gun who’s never really accomplished anything in Hollywood took over Demi, and eventually the family: thatsexcl. Ashton? HKI. He’s so excl now, he doesn’t even appear on his own show. Now sure Demi’s been around the block a few times, but therein lies the advantage: a cougar can identify young guys who are killing it and this makes them go in for their own kill. Clearly Frat Guy’s cougar could tell HKI, but did Mr West Coast’s young G.I. Jane have any idea? Frat Guy leveraged a voracious appetite, like Ashton did, and started killing it to the nth degree. But will Ashton and Demi end up looking like this (40 and 61)?
or this (41 and 54)?
Crows feet, Lifetime Original Movies, and Menopause? Too big a risk to run. Frat Guy…you DALOW but I’m going to have to side with the bro.
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