So, like, this weekend, I violated a cardinal rule in fratology: I WENT to a CLUB. Needless to say, it was an unpleasant experience for this fraternity veteran. Highlights of the night included 14 dollar jack and cokes instead of $.50 PBR’s, foreign “models,” and Euro dudes in Ed Hardy dancing to techno music by themselves.
Just when I thought I would have to retire my letters out of shame, I saw something out of the corner of my eye: a bunch of dudes in blowouts fist-pumping with their shirts completely unbuttoned. “Had Los Angeles really deteriorated into Long Island?” I thought as I watched a dozen lemon drop shots being consumed by said individuals. Upon further inspection, the bare-shirted clowns proved to be none other than Paully D, Mike “The Situation” and some tagalongs of MTV’s flagship show, The Jersey Shore. Not to be outdone, 4’9 Snookers and J Woww in close by tow. The scene outside Mi6 courtesy of TMZ (Best line “Snookie is a real person, dude!”):
College Humor is really on top of their game. Ladies out there, you know about this right of passage (especially if you were in a top house) enjoy the video!
This guy … In case you don’t know who he is (via wikipedia)
Adam Carolla (born May 27, 1964) is an Americanradio and television host, comedian and actor. He is the host of The Adam Carolla Podcast, before which he hosted a weekday morning radio program broadcast from Los Angeles and syndicated by CBS Radio until his home station changed formats. Besides these shows, Carolla is well-known as the co-host of the radio show Loveline from 1995 to 2005 (and its television incarnation on MTV from 1996 to 2000), as the co-host of the television program The Man Show (1999–2004), and as the co-creator and performer on the television programCrank Yankers (2002–2007).
Carolla’s started a podcast a couple of years back that’s actually amazing. He epitomizes everything this site is about: racism, sports, stereotypes, fratting hard, exclusiveness, celebrities and hilariousness. You would think we’re getting paid to plug this, but we’re not, it’s just that funny.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheAdamCarollaPodcast
Rarely do I admit someone is funnier than I am, but… OK THIS IS THE BEST SHOW I’VE HEARD IN AWHILE, HANDS DOWN,
Here’s a quick breakdown of what’s in the latest podcast with Shane Dawson. You can listen to the podcast here: MP3
04:00 – If you want to turn “shitty” parts of a city around, import the gays to make it trendy
11:20 – Blind people in movies are always attractive, because they don’t eat as much
14:10 – Blind people can only feel your face to tell if you’re really ugly
24:36 – His guest (Shawn Dawson) was really overweight, and was paid by his friend’s dad whose daughter was a lesbian to go to prom with him
25:30 – Not going to have the sex talk with his kids, going to tell kids to learn about sex on the internet
35:00 – His guest talks about how he was the only white kid at his school
35:15 – Adam’s theory on being gay/lesbian and coming out of the closet, things get racist around 35:40 (but really funny), theory starts around 36:12, draws parallels with being born into racism
40:00 – Middle eastern tirade
47:00 – Adam talks about people at the bottom have to shook and give for those in majority, makes rat pack jokes about sammy davis jr. (around 47:30 is the funniest part of the show)
53:00 – Adam talks about bad relationships with fathers.
He also states that he doesn’t read the email he gets because most of its hate mail #thatsexcl.
Another good show is his Nov 24th, 2009 show with Seth Green Episode – MP3
Anyway you guys are really lucky because I’m going to give you a piece of advice I usually charge commoners for. It’s this little known technique called the CEA: The Counter Exclusivity Argument.
Counter Exclusivity Argument
The Counter Exclusivity Argument is an art form used by exclusive individuals to refute claims of non-exclusivity. For example, if someone spots you (Lord forgive) waiting in line for something, you could use CEA to state:
“It’s actually more exclusive to be seen here in line, and have everyone else behind me, see me and then talk about me. Having people talk about you? #thatsexcl”
Notice that the above statement almost always ends in a proclamation of exclusivity (when online, you can abbreviate this statement by the hash tag “#thatsexcl” short for “that’s exclusive”).
The worst thing that an exclusive individual could possibly get accused of is being non-exclusive. That’s why I’ve come up with some simple tips on our to refute those outrageous claims in certain situations.
Being in a photograph with other people
If you’ve read the IPOE guide, this situation can clearly be justified
“Yeah, so like, I’m going to be in this picture so you can put it on your facebook, and then I can de-tag it, just so people will have to ask you who I am #thatsexcl”
Answering the phone
Again here, don’t be shy about lying. Try one of the examples from the exclusivity app guide.
“Hey, yeah I’m actually on the phone with myself (you called one phone from another phone – yours) so I can’t talk to you right now. #thatexcl”
Not going out
Consciously refusing to go out in order to be by yourself is exclusive by nature. However, going out, being seen, cutting lines, spending money, etc etc, are all exclusive as well, which presents an inherent contradiction. Here’s how I handle this one. Go ahead and make plans with friends and family. Make sure you plan it carefully; pick the time, place, location, all the activities you will be doing with them. When show time comes, and you’re not there, people freak out, try to call you, desperately attempting to figure out where you are.
Here’s how you deal with this:
“Yeah… so like, I was going to meet up with you guys, but I realized how much I enjoy spending time with myself. Soooo like me… not being seen with you…. yeah… #thatsexcl”
MY FAVORITE: Ordering multiple drinks
When you get caught ordering two drinks, use this (this is RICH):
“Well I’m ordering two drinks so that I can drink one and then tell the bartender to pour the other on his head if he wants a tip. This way, women can see that I have money to waste (excl) and I can force others to degrade themselves for my pleasure…also excl. #thatsexcl”
There you have it. Please use these tips sparingly and only when you have to. As always, remember to stay exclusive – mr excl
Oh no, this isn’t new, but that doesn’t mean it’s still not setting back members of African American community (We know there are a lot of non African American Jay-z fans, but just go with it). God bless Miley, we love her and everything, but this is just wrong. Just watch:
Katie, Katie, Katie… we don’t really buy “your story” of meeting your boyfriend (who is 19 years younger at a triathlon – she clearly met him online [that's legendary]).
You know what Katie? That’s actually really fratty and we salute you and all cougars taking down young cubs (read our previous post on cougarlife). Oh yeah and what you all came here for:
Not only does she date younger, she knows how to have a good time. Clearly she was in a house… a top house, and guess what? That’s like REALLY chill (and fratty too)
From the first clips of “Video Killed the Radio Star” launching MTV into a multi-billion dollar empire based on music videos, the media mogul has now sunk to a new low. Why you ask? Well, the “stars” of the Jersey Shore will surely kill MTV in the new “thrilling” series to launch this December.
Running low on show ideas? Let’s take a bunch of guidos from Staten Island, pay for their “shore house” for a summer, and see what kind of drama unfolds in the Armpit of America (New Jersey)…
Now for my fellow West Coasters who, after watching this, are baffled by the phenomenon of this “guido” grade douche bag, brace yourself. On the East Coast, not only is this breed of animal widespread in certain areas (Long Island, Staten Island, & New Jersey), but some women, as MTV demonstrates, are actually attracted to it.
Let’s start with the hair. Yes, you saw correctly: a young man with a suitcase full of gel, presumably to last him a few weeks. Now, growing up on the West Coast, I can’t hate on gel, cause we all used it…in SIXTH GRADE. But using an entire bottle each night when you go out to get that perfect “blowout” look is just comical.
As far as that guy who only talks about his abs and shows them off…I don’t think it can get much more toolish than that. Calling your abs the “situation,” and likening yourself to Rambo while shadow boxing alone in an aerobics room? NOT chill. Mr West Coast will be the first to tell you he doesn’t have a six pack. Thats because he and Frat Guy have thrown back too many PBRs, Stones, Natties, and Beasts together, while Sammy Six Pack was drinking protein shakes and working out during his breaks from his office job as a telemarketer.
Girls comparing themselves to insects and being proud of it?
“I’m like a preying mantis…”
Wow, honey…you’re like REALLY chill. Oh wait, you’re some psycho girl from Staten Island who’s in “beauty school” and waiting to find “mr. right” at the Jersey Shore.
And last time I checked, “guido” was an offensive term. Maybe someone should tell that to the kid that says
“being a guido and Italian…you’re family is really important to you.”
I won’t even call in Mr Stereotype from the bullpen to give us a simile on that one.
Do you think Tupac ever went to the Jersey Shore? Hell no. He was killing it in Malibu, where people are normal, waves are bigger, and the term “blowout” doesn’t exist. This show would make Biggie roll in his grave. The Jersey Shore encompasses everything I hate about the East Coast: tools, douches, and beach communities that are NOT chill.
“You never know whats going to go down at the shore…”
Actually I do:
a bunch of guido guys will get in guido fights with each other over guido girls while wearing graphic tees
people will say things like “lets get it poppin”
driving their dads’ Range Rovers.
Some sappy music will accompany some dramatic story lines about a girl that is a bartender and “does great things” and
a guy wont be able to score enough steroids to keep up with Rambo the Situation, and …
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