During a recent trip back to their alma mater frat guy and mr west coast had two  things on their mind: getting weird and DALOW. In order to accomplish these goals, however, each man took separate paths. In the end, their journeys left each of them arguing which was the right path, or rather, which was less wrong…

Frat Guy’s Night: Instead of going out to all the college bars, I decided to go by myself (excl) down to the sketchier townie bars. Once there, my lack of a posse advertised that I was single and ready to DALOW. This aura immediately attracted attention from an older woman across the bar. She came over to me (not having to make the move? excl) and we started to chat it up. After a few drinks I found out that she works at the college I went to, is 39, and an ex-swimsuit model. It showed.

She had the eye of the cougar, and the quick analysis of her ringless finger proved she was hungry for a kill. Drinks turned to shots, 11pm turned to 1am, and before I knew it, I was walking her out the bar with my arm around her. I had only promised to “walk her to the car,” but the car proved to be den enough for this cougar. What ensued could only be described as aggressive. This woman-a decade and a half my senior-gave me a quick education in the backseat of the car on why women really are like a fine wine…

Mr West Coast’s Night: Some fellow bros and I headed to an army-themed party at the frathouse for some good old college-style partying. While drinking in one of the rooms I was introduced to two young freshman donning some serious fatigues. After talking to one from LA for a bit, I was interrupted mid-sentence when Juicy came on; “Hold on, this is my song.” Regardless of the fact she was 4 when this was released, that’s like a REALLY chill song to call “yours.”

A little more background revealed I wasn’t dealing with your typical 19 year-old Orange County girl. Juicy gave way to a sketchy closed-door dance party with multiple freshman girls and my fellow brahs (all 24, mind you). After a few shots and more drinks, the sketchiness continued on the bottom floor, where the party was going down. Conveniently, some worthless pledges had constructed some sort of “P.O.W. cage” which immediately served as grounds for freshman-year-style grinding and dancing. If there’s one thing west coast girls know how to do, it’s drop it like its hot. None of this, I grew up in an all-girls-east-coast-boarding-school-where-thinking-about-boys-was-illegal-so-i-barely-move-my-hips-type dancing. After leaving to grab another brewski I lost track of said freshman, but received a text: “ummm you’re like really chill.” She…GETS it. Unfortunately I had to leave for the bars and smaller age gaps, but her ensuing bbm game proved to be just as sharp as mine as she referred to me as “bro,” “hommie,” and “fool” all in the same convo. She really did read at a graduate level because that’s wisdom beyond her years when it comes to west coast communication… which leads me to state: if grinding with girls born after the Wall fell is wrong…I don’t want to be right.

The Verdict: by Mr Exclusive

While I’m so exclusive I only hook up with myself, I was actually chosen to moderate this debate of older vs younger, real housewives vs gossip girl, or days of our lives vs. the hills. Allow us to take examples from Hollywood-a place with all the answers. Example A: Hollywood Cradle Robbers:

Some people might “frown” upon anyone out of college having any sort of contact with underclassmen.  Lets look at Livestrong and Michelle (I didn’t bother learning the twin’s name because having someone look exactly like you isn’t excl). When she was 19, he was 34. Should we continue? When Catherine Zeta-Jones was 19, M. Douglas was 44, and when Anna Nicole was 19, J Howard Marshall was 84 (and probably dead). Now these were some of America’s “sweethearts,” and America didn’t have a problem with those cradle robbers.  But agreeing with America and Hollywood isn’t always excl. Lets look at Frat Guy’s scenario.

Example B: Hollywood Cougar Hunters

Most any guy will tell you Ashton’s a legend. Bruce got too old and bald, so the young gun who’s never really accomplished anything in Hollywood took over Demi, and eventually the family: thatsexcl. Ashton? HKI. He’s so excl now, he doesn’t even appear on his own show. Now sure Demi’s been around the block a few times, but therein lies the advantage: a cougar can identify young guys who are killing it and this makes them go in for their own kill. Clearly Frat Guy’s cougar could tell HKI, but did Mr West Coast’s young G.I. Jane have any idea? Frat Guy leveraged a voracious appetite, like Ashton did, and started killing it to the nth degree. But will Ashton and Demi end up looking like this (40 and 61)?

or this (41 and 54)?

Crows feet, Lifetime Original Movies, and Menopause? Too big a risk to run. Frat Guy…you DALOW but I’m going to have to side with the bro.

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• College: The Return Trip
• REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/17/10
• Katie Couric gets down… like REALLY DOWN [cougarwatch]
• My first kiss, a chronicle of losing
• The greatest/sketchiest site known to man – CougarLife

Age is Just a Number is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

This week we bring you a new phrase: #2 DALOW

DALOW: acronym for: Do A Lot Of Work. Origin: Greek. Verb. To accomplish more than what is normal or expected with the opposite sex. (*Note “work” does not refer to one’s profession, unless one’s profession is “killing it.”)

Variations: Did a lot of work, doing a lot of work.

Used in a context:

1. “Shawn, where are you?” “I’m at some stupid art gallery opening but there’s a ton of hot girls and all the guys are hipsters, so I’ve already got five numbers, and made out with some girl in the bathroom. I’m DALOW.”

2. “Yo did you do work last night” “Nahh…couldn’t DALOW. Shit got waay too weird at the bar.”

Related Posts:

• College: The Return Trip
• Age is Just a Number
• REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/18/10
• Exclusivity? There’s an app for that [guide]
• Life lesson learned on Thanksgiving: I will play football and be in a fraternity. I’m killing it.

REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/17/10 is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Ahh twitter, you know that tool that’s revolutionizing how we communicate and get our news… yeah… not in this case.

While we are poking fun at the subject, follow the current conversation on the most offensive “trending topic” of the day: ‘#doesntmeanyourblack’

Today’s winner:

• The #Doesntmeanyourblack TT is annoying the hell out of me. Sad to know people still don’t know the difference between “your” & “you’re”…

Super Logical:

• JUST BECAUSE YOURE BLACK#DOESNTMEANYOURBLACK

Stereotypes:

• Just because you put hot sauce on everything#doesntmeanyourblack
• Just cause u choose kfc or popeyes over a 5 star restaurant #doesntmeanyourblack …..wait yes it does
• Just cuz ya daddy locked up#doesntmeanyourblack
• Because you talk loud and wanna fight all the time #doesntmeanyourblack
• cuz u dnt kno who ya baby daddy is lol

Hilarious:

• JUST BECAUSE YOURE BLACK#DOESNTMEANYOURBLACK
• RT @shelbkilano: Just because Usher discovered you #doesntmeanyourblack Justin Bieber
• Juss because yu bumpin Young Money#doesntmeanyourblack

stereotyping tweets

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Trending topics that set African American’s Back [twitter] is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Just watch and be amazed.

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The world’s most talented man (and really chill) is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

It’s 11 p.m. on a Saturday night. What was supposed to be a fratty pregame with some college bros and maybe a couple randos has quickly morphed into a rager. Beer pong balls are flying around the room and someone just popped a couple of bottles of Goose — that’s Geese. A sketchy dance party is in full effect. You’re eyeing one of the blondes in the corner who works with your friend Kristy and she catches your gaze with a smile.

Jason Derulo’s “Watcha Say” is on blast – it’s been your go-to song all summer and – you start grinding against the blonde.  You bring out your signature dance move – the invisible microphone, obviously – and she grabs your hand and starts singing along to the chorus. “Jackpot,” you say to yourself as you take a swig of your Jack and Coke while your hand moves against her waist.

She’s feelin you and starts moving in closer. You’re about to motion her to your room to “take shots and maybe watch an episode of ____” when suddenly the music stops. “What the fuck!” you shout as you glare at the culprit unplugging your iPod from the other side of the room. He’s wearing flannel, tight jeans — the token hipster of the party that no one knows — and you overhear him talking about this “really chill trance DJ from Iceland” that he’s trying to “you , know blow up” in the U.S.

You desperately try and grab the blonde work before it’s too late but the damage is done. She bolted. You lost.

Lesons of Losing:

1. Never leave your iPod in plain sight
2. Trance music – unless specified strictly for after hours purposes – is, like, nott that chill
3. If someone says that a new track is like “reeaally chill” it’s probably “not that chill” because you haven’t heard it yet. Therefore, it should not be played at your party.

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#3 Party music? I got this [no you don't]: A Chronicle of Losing is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

It’s been an epic year for Really Chill Individuals (RCI’s) from all walks of life. Some faltered, others thrived, but only one chilled the hardest.

After weeks of intense debate and analysis, the staff here at ReallyChill.org would like to congratulate Chad Ochocinco ( via twitter @OGOchoCinco ) on being named The Really Chill Athlete of Decade.

Mr. Ochocinco impressed us for a number of reasons, but certain characteristics stood out:

1. His name

Chad is so brash, he actually changed his legal name from “Johnson” to “Ochocinco,” even though that doesn’t even mean “85″ in Spanish. In the process, he has forced announcers to repeat the name “Ochocinco” during live broadcasts, and compelled the NFL to print this ridiculous, hybrid number on the back of thousands of jerseys.

2. He Raced a Horse… AND WON

Better angle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kspi6Fuy64M

3. Signature touchdown…and non-touchdown celebrations

Need we say more? He’s bribed a ref, donned a sombrero, grabbed a camera, all while accumulating ridiculous fines (over 60K in one year) in the process. Oh yeah, he doesn’t give a crap.

Chad’s also not afraid to wear his emotions on his sleeve, as we saw during the the Chris Henry game, in which his TD sent chills down every sports fan’s spine.

4. “Child Please”

Ocho created a catch-phrase that instantly became part of everyone’s vernacular. According to Chad, the definition of this seemingly absurd statement is, in fact, rather simple: “F*ck You”

5. Dedication to a rigid McDonald’s diet

Chad admitted to eating the most unhealthy fast food imaginably and yet because he burns 10,000 calories a day, he remains one of the most athletic wide receivers in the NFL.

Oh yeah and did we mention he also played two really chill positions in a single game (Wide Receiver and Kicker)?

Happy New Year everyone and here’s to hoping we can all be as Chill as Ochocinco during 2010!

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Chad Ochocinco: Really Chill Athlete of the Decade is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

“Fratty.” It’s a word that is slowly creeping into the everyday American vernacular. According to the Really Chill Lexicon (RCL) Volume III, the word is defined as “a state of being where you put a fraternal lifestyle above anything else.” The word has bound a generic 18-34 year old male – who was formely in a fraternal organization at one point in his life – to a lifelong set of traditions and virtues. There are whole websites (frattinghard.com, brobible.com, and broslikethissite.com) dedicated to fratting at all times.

Sweet

And yet, these definitions could not be further from the truth. Frattiness has no gender and certainly no age limit. In fact, there’s a little secret that you, the casual reader, might not be aware of: you didn’t have to be in a fraternity to be fratty (although it does help if you at least hazed at one point in your life, preferable in a sketchy basement… involving A lot of ice… and cold water….and maybe some Tabasco sauce. But I digress).

How will I know if I reach the “fratty” lifestyle?

First, one must realize that fratting hard isn’t a lifestyle, its an art form. It’s the internal mindset of an individual which allows him/her to – for lack of a better term – “not give a shit about what most people think.”

Fratting really hard

Being really fratty is the latin equivalent to being Really Chill. Furthermore, you don’t just wake up one day and become fratty. The lifestyle known as Fratting must originate in a family trait that has been passed down for many generations.

After mapping the human genome, scientists have attributed frattiness to the gene IL-10 (Interlukin 10) which is known to display “potent abilities to suppress the antigen presentation capacity of antigen presenting cells.”

Interleukin 10, Otherwise known as the "Frat Gene"

We, frat stars, refer to the intricate science as Frattiness Selection. It’s nature over nurture but like the American Dream, there are exceptions to every rule. Here are the fundamental tenants of being fratty and can help you reach extreme levels of fratting, even if nature hasn’t been so kind:

1. Be an Athlete.
   • This is not confined strictly to the realm of athletics. Being an athlete is a mindset. If you can’t play – you coach. If you can’t coach, you watch. Its that simple.
   • Being a part of athletics teaches you how to pick yourself up after being knocked down. (And yes, joining a fraternal organization will break you if you haven’t heard.)
   • Also included: Playing “pong’ until the wee hours of the morning and living in the worst possible housing available.
2. Winning, at all costs.
   • Being fratty means you are never wrong, EVER. Even when you are wrong, you’re still RIGHT.
   • If it means taking trips across the country, you do so in the most brazen yet frugal way possible – through The South.
   • Being Fratty as defined in the RCL as a “passion to win (Wynn) at all costs.”
3. To give is to recieve.
   • Every great scholar of fraternal organizations understands this basic premise: You got to where you are because of the people who came before you. As you make your way through pledging realize this:
     1. Next year, you get to be on the giving end and -
     2. you had to receive the blessing before you give it (Yes I just implied that any form of hazing is, in fact, a blessing).
   • As discussed in the first tenant of being an athlete, know that what doesn’t kill will, in fact, make you stronger (it’s science, don’t argue with science you’ll never win).

How can I join this brotherhood of men? (by men we mean the human race, remember being fratty is gender neutral)

This is honestly a great question. If you are reading this and realize you have missed out on one of the greatest God-given experiences on this Earth then fear not, for you can make some simple changes to the way you conduct yourself in order to be more “Fratty.”

Gleeful, Fraternity brothers

1. Drinking
   • Just do it and don’t stop. I’ve seen sweet bro’s drink during finals, or better yet drinking in the office just to let everyone else know how chill they really are.
   • Also remember, whenever you are presented with an option of beers, ALWAYS take the shittier option (and don’t be last ordering – you don’t want to know why, so don’t ask).
   • Whenever possible, inconvenience neighbors, family members, and loved ones with the boisterous noise of fratneral living (remember drinking doesn’t count unless everyone else knows you are drinking more than they are).
2. Socializing
   • It goes with out saying (and is usually the most envied part of being in a fraternal organization) that being fratty requires socializing at all times. Don’t wait to be called on – volunteer (again, don’t ask why) and NEVER be last.
   • Talk about frat parties & mixers at all times. “Yeah, this one time at a mixer with…” Let them know what really went down.
3. Drinking and Socializing – Otherwise known as “Winning”
   • Something beautiful things happens anytime you mix socializing and drinking in the same place.
   • The ancient greeks called it “gewinnen” which is greek for “Winning” and you can indulge as well
   • Think:
     • Drinking Games
     • Theme Parties
     • Sketchy Afterhours

Does fratting have its limits?

NO, and don’t make me have to remind you.

In many cases, I’ve seen women fratting harder then men. Fratting inside, fratting outside, literally fratting everywhere. Whenever you feel like you are the center of attention, this is your time to shine (preferably using one of the various drinking techniques which we will delve into later  - see the “mailman“).

Remember that you can’t spell “really chill” without “fraternity.” If you start correcting that sentence then you are one of “those guys” who just DON’T get it. More on them later

With love,
Frat Guy

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#2 – Fratting Hard is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

What is exclusivity?

Exclusivity as we know it is the phenomenon started by the ancestors of Mr Exclusive. It predated the Mesopotamic period and flourished in the land between the two rivers where Ancient Civilization began: the Tigris and the Euphrates. As Wikipedia states, this region is  a place that is “widely considered as the cradle of civilization.”

Deep within the Akkadian Empire (ca. 2350 BCE–2193 BCE), young Naram-Sin, the emperor’s grandson and one of the forerunners of the Exclusivity Movement, began to crave out his own place in history. According to scripture, he was the first person in human history to consciously elect to do something by himself. #ThatsEXCL

Young Naram Sim spreading "Exclusivity" to all

People have trouble understanding that anything involving an invitation is inherently not exclusive. In fact, the act of not allowing other people to bask in your exclusivity is key to maximizing exclusivity. Every time you receive an invite from a promoter promoting a club so exclusive he himself cannot get in, just remember one thing: by rejecting his or her request, you are cementing yourself in the rich history of all beings who chose to take the exclusive path.

How can one be exclusive?

Great question. I wish I could just say, follow me for a day (Mr Exclusive) and you would get enough material to last a lifetime, but the act of being anywhere near me would diminish  my own exclusivity. Therefore, follow these simple rules and the extensive research available on reallychill.org for more insight:

1. Less is always more
2. Saying “No” is the new “Yes”
3. Winning by losing is the only way to win

Over the course of this journey of All Things Chill (ATC), we will delve into these topic with great detail.

When is it appropriate to be exclusive?

As the finally installment of my introduction, I thought it would only be appropriate to address this topic.

The answer is simple: All the time.

If someone asks you, “When can I expect your call?” Simply reply “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” If you’ve entered the level of Like Really Exclusive, (LRE), it may be okay to say something like, “that’s physically impossible because I have three phones and none of them take outside calls.” Fear not, for all this will become easier the more you read.

Just remember, one of the tenants of being really chill is your level of exclusivity.

With Love,
Mr Exclusive

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#1 – Exclusivity is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Now, since I came out of the womb with a copy of S.I. and thirty rack of Keystone Ice, each Saturday I spend the entire day watching college football, like any well-groomed frat guy. But rather than going to a bar, I prefer to remain exclusive and watch every game alone in my room, with no human contact. In my solitude, I’ve noticed that Notre Dame sucks — like, really badly. Not because they hired an ex-NFL coach with no college experience, not because they dont accept thugged-out junior college transfers onto the team, and not because they play in South Bend (aka bumble-f*** Indiana). Rather, Notre Dame is a terrible football school because of the non-exclusivity that surrounds their quarterback, team and girls.

Exhibit A

Mark Sanchez doing work at USC

The pictures illustrate a direct, scientifically-proven correlation -proven by espn.com and other credible sources – between the quantity of smoking hot girls at a school and that school’s success in division 1 NCAA football. Do a simple google image search of “Florida gators girls” or Texas, Georgia, or USC and you’ll see what I mean.

Exhibit B

Tim Tebow and the talent at Florida

Girls resembling Exhibit A and B above pop up. For ND…non-exclusive girls like the ones you see pictured below appear.

College recruiting takes a simple path: during senior year in high school, a college coach offers a star athlete a starting role, a storied program, and possible NFL success. During his campus visit, the current players take him out with the cheerleaders, and other specimens, to get a “taste” of what he’ll be dealing with. Imagine being a recruit looking at Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen, the “star” player, taking pictures with these two…

Exhibit C

Clausen and the women of Notre Dame

Clausen’s first mistake is that he allowed himself to be photographed in the first place. To stay exclusive, I either hire a photographer to follow me around all night, or I dictate who will be lucky enough to be photographed with me. Clausen clearly wasn’t being exclusive by allowing commoners to enter the frame. At least use your linemen to screen potentials for you.

When the “leader” of the team refuses to be exclusive, the team follows suit. Once this vicious cycle establishes itself, things like a townie sucker punching you in a bar happen. Then you go .500 for the season. Then your coach is fired. But worst of all, you come to think it’s ok to wear a dog tag with your jersey number on it.

Colt McCoy and Texas work

The exclusive bird catches the worm. The non-exclusive bird catches a right hook to the eye.

-Frat guy

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The downfall of Notre Dame explained is a post from: You're Like Really Chill