(1 votes)
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The New York Times made headway this morning, taking a break from mainstream, plebeian topics like cilantro and those Tea Party people and instead, giving us a glimpse into where the most exclusive people on this planet live. Halfay between Africa and South America? 1000 miles off the coast of New Zealand? The capital of Greenland. They’ve got it covered.
(7 votes)
Loading ...A debate between Frat Guy and Mr. West Coast.
During a recent trip back to their alma mater frat guy and mr west coast had two things on their mind: getting weird and DALOW. In order to accomplish these goals, however, each man took separate paths. In the end, their journeys left each of them arguing which was the right path, or rather, which was less wrong…
Frat Guy’s Night: Instead of going out to all the college bars, I decided to go by myself (excl) down to the sketchier townie bars. Once there, my lack of a posse advertised that I was single and ready to DALOW. This aura immediately attracted attention from an older woman across the bar. She came over to me (not having to make the move? excl) and we started to chat it up. After a few drinks I found out that she works at the college I went to, is 39, and an ex-swimsuit model. It showed.
She had the eye of the cougar, and the quick analysis of her ringless finger proved she was hungry for a kill. Drinks turned to shots, 11pm turned to 1am, and before I knew it, I was walking her out the bar with my arm around her. I had only promised to “walk her to the car,” but the car proved to be den enough for this cougar. What ensued could only be described as aggressive. This woman-a decade and a half my senior-gave me a quick education in the backseat of the car on why women really are like a fine wine…
Mr West Coast’s Night: Some fellow bros and I headed to an army-themed party at the frathouse for some good old college-style partying. While drinking in one of the rooms I was introduced to two young freshman donning some serious fatigues. After talking to one from LA for a bit, I was interrupted mid-sentence when Juicy came on; “Hold on, this is my song.” Regardless of the fact she was 4 when this was released, that’s like a REALLY chill song to call “yours.”
A little more background revealed I wasn’t dealing with your typical 19 year-old Orange County girl. Juicy gave way to a sketchy closed-door dance party with multiple freshman girls and my fellow brahs (all 24, mind you). After a few shots and more drinks, the sketchiness continued on the bottom floor, where the party was going down. Conveniently, some worthless pledges had constructed some sort of “P.O.W. cage” which immediately served as grounds for freshman-year-style grinding and dancing. If there’s one thing west coast girls know how to do, it’s drop it like its hot. None of this, I grew up in an all-girls-east-coast-boarding-school-where-thinking-about-boys-was-illegal-so-i-barely-move-my-hips-type dancing. After leaving to grab another brewski I lost track of said freshman, but received a text: “ummm you’re like really chill.” She…GETS it. Unfortunately I had to leave for the bars and smaller age gaps, but her ensuing bbm game proved to be just as sharp as mine as she referred to me as “bro,” “hommie,” and “fool” all in the same convo. She really did read at a graduate level because that’s wisdom beyond her years when it comes to west coast communication… which leads me to state: if grinding with girls born after the Wall fell is wrong…I don’t want to be right.
The Verdict: by Mr Exclusive
While I’m so exclusive I only hook up with myself, I was actually chosen to moderate this debate of older vs younger, real housewives vs gossip girl, or days of our lives vs. the hills. Allow us to take examples from Hollywood-a place with all the answers. Example A: Hollywood Cradle Robbers:
Some people might “frown” upon anyone out of college having any sort of contact with underclassmen. Lets look at Livestrong and Michelle (I didn’t bother learning the twin’s name because having someone look exactly like you isn’t excl). When she was 19, he was 34. Should we continue? When Catherine Zeta-Jones was 19, M. Douglas was 44, and when Anna Nicole was 19, J Howard Marshall was 84 (and probably dead). Now these were some of America’s “sweethearts,” and America didn’t have a problem with those cradle robbers. But agreeing with America and Hollywood isn’t always excl. Lets look at Frat Guy’s scenario.
Example B: Hollywood Cougar Hunters
Most any guy will tell you Ashton’s a legend. Bruce got too old and bald, so the young gun who’s never really accomplished anything in Hollywood took over Demi, and eventually the family: thatsexcl. Ashton? HKI. He’s so excl now, he doesn’t even appear on his own show. Now sure Demi’s been around the block a few times, but therein lies the advantage: a cougar can identify young guys who are killing it and this makes them go in for their own kill. Clearly Frat Guy’s cougar could tell HKI, but did Mr West Coast’s young G.I. Jane have any idea? Frat Guy leveraged a voracious appetite, like Ashton did, and started killing it to the nth degree. But will Ashton and Demi end up looking like this (40 and 61)?
or this (41 and 54)?
Crows feet, Lifetime Original Movies, and Menopause? Too big a risk to run. Frat Guy…you DALOW but I’m going to have to side with the bro.
(1 votes)
Loading ...Last week, we gave you an education in an integral phrase of every chill star’s lexicon: Killing It. For those craving some extra practice in fraticulture, please try using the variations of Killing It: “Murder/Murk” and KOKI (Kind Of Killing It).
This week we bring you a new phrase: #2 DALOW
DALOW: acronym for: Do A Lot Of Work. Origin: Greek. Verb. To accomplish more than what is normal or expected with the opposite sex. (*Note “work” does not refer to one’s profession, unless one’s profession is “killing it.”)
Variations: Did a lot of work, doing a lot of work.
Used in a context:
1. “Shawn, where are you?” “I’m at some stupid art gallery opening but there’s a ton of hot girls and all the guys are hipsters, so I’ve already got five numbers, and made out with some girl in the bathroom. I’m DALOW.”
2. “Yo did you do work last night” “Nahh…couldn’t DALOW. Shit got waay too weird at the bar.”
(3 votes)
Loading ...We know, we know. It’s been a while since we last posted, but it’s tough to make time to “write” when you’ve been doing things like “winning” for a couple of months straight. Nevertheless, we missed you guys and we’re back with a brand new feature: The Really Chill Phrase of the Week.
Obviously, an essential part of being REALLY chill is having your own terminology that, well, you and maybe a handful of people understand. For that reason, we decided to introduce a couple of key expressions that must be part of your vernacular if you want to be exponentially chiller than you currently are.
#1. YKI. (“Why Kay Eye”) Acronym for: “You’re killing it.” Verb. Origin: Greek.
The act of “killing” or “murdering it” in any situation, regardless of external factors such as country, weather, or social setting; winning at all costs, doing something legendary. Used in a sentence: “Jonny-I heard you got a table at 1Oak last night then took the bottle waitresses on your G6 to LA where you went to a party at the playboy mansion…YKI.”
Alternate uses: HKI-hes killing it, SKI-shes killing it. IKI-im killing it, I killed it, I’ll kill it, I’ve killed it. NKI – Not killing it.
Close synonyms: YMI: “You murdered/murked it.”
For the chillest of chill…“KMM” – “Kill Murder Murk” Used in a sentence: “I drank so much at that bar, got 10 girls numbers, lost my phone, and got thrown out of own apartment complex. I KMM’d the night.”
(2 votes)
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Link to intro song: http://vokoder.fm/track/The-Fresh-Prince/Fresh-Prince-Of-Bel-Air-(-Mustard-Pimp-Remix)/
MP3 File: A New Year Message From Mr Exclusive
(5 votes)
Loading ...It’s only fitting that the first dissertation in the age old quest of being a Really Chill Bro (RCB) is the cornerstone of All Things Chill (ATC): “Exclusivity.” Many a scripture has been written about this topic but nearly all have fallen short of capturing the essence of what it means to be Unapologetically Exclusive. It is with pride and great humility that I take on this challenge.
Exclusivity as we know it is the phenomenon started by the ancestors of Mr Exclusive. It predated the Mesopotamic period and flourished in the land between the two rivers where Ancient Civilization began: the Tigris and the Euphrates. As Wikipedia states, this region is a place that is “widely considered as the cradle of civilization.”
Deep within the Akkadian Empire (ca. 2350 BCE–2193 BCE), young Naram-Sin, the emperor’s grandson and one of the forerunners of the Exclusivity Movement, began to crave out his own place in history. According to scripture, he was the first person in human history to consciously elect to do something by himself. #ThatsEXCL
Young Naram Sim spreading "Exclusivity" to all
People have trouble understanding that anything involving an invitation is inherently not exclusive. In fact, the act of not allowing other people to bask in your exclusivity is key to maximizing exclusivity. Every time you receive an invite from a promoter promoting a club so exclusive he himself cannot get in, just remember one thing: by rejecting his or her request, you are cementing yourself in the rich history of all beings who chose to take the exclusive path.
Great question. I wish I could just say, follow me for a day (Mr Exclusive) and you would get enough material to last a lifetime, but the act of being anywhere near me would diminish my own exclusivity. Therefore, follow these simple rules and the extensive research available on reallychill.org for more insight:
Over the course of this journey of All Things Chill (ATC), we will delve into these topic with great detail.
As the finally installment of my introduction, I thought it would only be appropriate to address this topic.
The answer is simple: All the time.
If someone asks you, “When can I expect your call?” Simply reply “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” If you’ve entered the level of Like Really Exclusive, (LRE), it may be okay to say something like, “that’s physically impossible because I have three phones and none of them take outside calls.” Fear not, for all this will become easier the more you read.
Just remember, one of the tenants of being really chill is your level of exclusivity.
With Love,
Mr Exclusive
(1 votes)
Loading ...Recently, my non-exclusive friends directed me to an email that has been circulating among college football fans. I felt it was imperative to provide a few thoughts on this plagued college football program.
Now, since I came out of the womb with a copy of S.I. and thirty rack of Keystone Ice, each Saturday I spend the entire day watching college football, like any well-groomed frat guy. But rather than going to a bar, I prefer to remain exclusive and watch every game alone in my room, with no human contact. In my solitude, I’ve noticed that Notre Dame sucks — like, really badly. Not because they hired an ex-NFL coach with no college experience, not because they dont accept thugged-out junior college transfers onto the team, and not because they play in South Bend (aka bumble-f*** Indiana). Rather, Notre Dame is a terrible football school because of the non-exclusivity that surrounds their quarterback, team and girls.
Exhibit A
Mark Sanchez doing work at USC
The pictures illustrate a direct, scientifically-proven correlation -proven by espn.com and other credible sources – between the quantity of smoking hot girls at a school and that school’s success in division 1 NCAA football. Do a simple google image search of “Florida gators girls” or Texas, Georgia, or USC and you’ll see what I mean.
Exhibit B
Tim Tebow and the talent at Florida
Girls resembling Exhibit A and B above pop up. For ND…non-exclusive girls like the ones you see pictured below appear.
College recruiting takes a simple path: during senior year in high school, a college coach offers a star athlete a starting role, a storied program, and possible NFL success. During his campus visit, the current players take him out with the cheerleaders, and other specimens, to get a “taste” of what he’ll be dealing with. Imagine being a recruit looking at Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen, the “star” player, taking pictures with these two…
Exhibit C
Clausen and the women of Notre Dame
Clausen’s first mistake is that he allowed himself to be photographed in the first place. To stay exclusive, I either hire a photographer to follow me around all night, or I dictate who will be lucky enough to be photographed with me. Clausen clearly wasn’t being exclusive by allowing commoners to enter the frame. At least use your linemen to screen potentials for you.
When the “leader” of the team refuses to be exclusive, the team follows suit. Once this vicious cycle establishes itself, things like a townie sucker punching you in a bar happen. Then you go .500 for the season. Then your coach is fired. But worst of all, you come to think it’s ok to wear a dog tag with your jersey number on it.
Colt McCoy and Texas work
The exclusive bird catches the worm. The non-exclusive bird catches a right hook to the eye.
-Frat guy
(1 votes)
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So, like, I took a bit of a hiatus this past week to, you know, do things by myself. However, I felt compelled to share the newest, most exclusive way to pregame: by yourself — with a Vokda pill.
According to The Times of India, a Russian researcher has invented a pill that is the alcohol equivalent of a shot of vodka.
Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev of Saint Petersburg Technological University has evolved a technique that allows turning alcohol into powder and packing it in pills. The new technique can solidify any kind of alcohol, including whisky, cognac, wine and beer.
This is perfect alternative for exclusive individuals like myself. Now, we don’t have to waste precious time “drinking socially” with other people at the bar at the expense of our exclusivity. All I simply need to do is go to a remote part of the bar/club, whip out a couple of pills, and I’m drunk — all without dealing with more inferior patrons and bartenders.
We hear that this pill will be made commercially available in the U.S. soon and as soon as it does, I’m stocking up.
(2 votes)
Loading ...Yeah so like… last week I probably wrote the most exclusive thing on this site: Mr Exclusive’s Exclusivity? There’s an app for that Guide book
Anyway you guys are really lucky because I’m going to give you a piece of advice I usually charge commoners for. It’s this little known technique called the CEA: The Counter Exclusivity Argument.
The Counter Exclusivity Argument is an art form used by exclusive individuals to refute claims of non-exclusivity. For example, if someone spots you (Lord forgive) waiting in line for something, you could use CEA to state:
“It’s actually more exclusive to be seen here in line, and have everyone else behind me, see me and then talk about me. Having people talk about you? #thatsexcl”
Notice that the above statement almost always ends in a proclamation of exclusivity (when online, you can abbreviate this statement by the hash tag “#thatsexcl” short for “that’s exclusive”).
The worst thing that an exclusive individual could possibly get accused of is being non-exclusive. That’s why I’ve come up with some simple tips on our to refute those outrageous claims in certain situations.
If you’ve read the IPOE guide, this situation can clearly be justified
“Yeah, so like, I’m going to be in this picture so you can put it on your facebook, and then I can de-tag it, just so people will have to ask you who I am #thatsexcl”
Again here, don’t be shy about lying. Try one of the examples from the exclusivity app guide.
“Hey, yeah I’m actually on the phone with myself (you called one phone from another phone – yours) so I can’t talk to you right now. #thatexcl”
Consciously refusing to go out in order to be by yourself is exclusive by nature. However, going out, being seen, cutting lines, spending money, etc etc, are all exclusive as well, which presents an inherent contradiction. Here’s how I handle this one. Go ahead and make plans with friends and family. Make sure you plan it carefully; pick the time, place, location, all the activities you will be doing with them. When show time comes, and you’re not there, people freak out, try to call you, desperately attempting to figure out where you are.
Here’s how you deal with this:
“Yeah… so like, I was going to meet up with you guys, but I realized how much I enjoy spending time with myself. Soooo like me… not being seen with you…. yeah… #thatsexcl”
When you get caught ordering two drinks, use this (this is RICH):
“Well I’m ordering two drinks so that I can drink one and then tell the bartender to pour the other on his head if he wants a tip. This way, women can see that I have money to waste (excl) and I can force others to degrade themselves for my pleasure…also excl. #thatsexcl”
There you have it. Please use these tips sparingly and only when you have to. As always, remember to stay exclusive – mr excl
(1 votes)
Loading ...Yep, you knew it was coming… we had to touch on this, because it’s getting out of control. Verizon and AT&T are going tit for tat over who has more 3G coverage, which network is bigger, what phone can run more apps – iPhone vs Droid – etc. Let me put this issue to bed right now.
The writing is on the wall. There’s no better proverbial f-you than when someone asks you, “Hey! what’s your number?” and being able to definitely say… “yeah… about that number… don’t have one, sorry.” The sheer look and expression of utter bewilderment that in the new digital millennium, you would actually choose to not participate with the rest of modern society (that’s exclusive).
The only thing more exclusive than not owning a phone, is not knowing the number to your own phone. Not because you are stupid, just because you never give it out #thatsexcl.
Imagine this, you’re at an interview, the interviewer is reviewing your resume, they ask the simple question? “hey, so your resume looks great! We’re going to definitely follow up with you on this, I noticed you didn’t leave any contact information… how would you like us to get in contact you?”
AH HA! You’ve got them exactly where you want them, this is it, this is the moment you know you are the most exclusive person in the room, the office, possible the entire world. You answer: “yeah… about contacting me… don’t worry about, i’ll contact you.” When you can convincingly walk out of a room and say that, that’s when you know, you’re like REALLY chill.
Personally, this is the option I choose. I have 3 phones
Phone #1 – this is the number everyone knows about (not exclusive). I usually don’t pick it up – you know, unless it’s receiving a call from one of my two other phones. Yes, you read this correctly, I actually have another phone that’s so exclusive it only calls my other phone. #thatsexcl.
Phone #2 – This phone is only used to call phone #1. I use this to call myself to remind me how exclusive I am.
Phone #3 – this is the phone I make outgoing calls from. I have a phone for the sole purpose of calling other phones but the number remains private so that no one will ever be able to call me back. The only two numbers stored in the contact book are phone #1 and phone #2.
So remember kids, the next time someone asks your opinion on a smart phone, and you wish to exhibit maximum exclusivity, you can definitively say:
“I really don’t know and I really don’t care. If you’re looking for a phone, I can’t help you because I don’t have one (you can say this even if you do have one). In fact, there’s an app for not having a phone: it’s called being exclusive.”
Mr Exclusive – late
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