During a recent trip back to their alma mater frat guy and mr west coast had two  things on their mind: getting weird and DALOW. In order to accomplish these goals, however, each man took separate paths. In the end, their journeys left each of them arguing which was the right path, or rather, which was less wrong…

Frat Guy’s Night: Instead of going out to all the college bars, I decided to go by myself (excl) down to the sketchier townie bars. Once there, my lack of a posse advertised that I was single and ready to DALOW. This aura immediately attracted attention from an older woman across the bar. She came over to me (not having to make the move? excl) and we started to chat it up. After a few drinks I found out that she works at the college I went to, is 39, and an ex-swimsuit model. It showed.

She had the eye of the cougar, and the quick analysis of her ringless finger proved she was hungry for a kill. Drinks turned to shots, 11pm turned to 1am, and before I knew it, I was walking her out the bar with my arm around her. I had only promised to “walk her to the car,” but the car proved to be den enough for this cougar. What ensued could only be described as aggressive. This woman-a decade and a half my senior-gave me a quick education in the backseat of the car on why women really are like a fine wine…

Mr West Coast’s Night: Some fellow bros and I headed to an army-themed party at the frathouse for some good old college-style partying. While drinking in one of the rooms I was introduced to two young freshman donning some serious fatigues. After talking to one from LA for a bit, I was interrupted mid-sentence when Juicy came on; “Hold on, this is my song.” Regardless of the fact she was 4 when this was released, that’s like a REALLY chill song to call “yours.”

A little more background revealed I wasn’t dealing with your typical 19 year-old Orange County girl. Juicy gave way to a sketchy closed-door dance party with multiple freshman girls and my fellow brahs (all 24, mind you). After a few shots and more drinks, the sketchiness continued on the bottom floor, where the party was going down. Conveniently, some worthless pledges had constructed some sort of “P.O.W. cage” which immediately served as grounds for freshman-year-style grinding and dancing. If there’s one thing west coast girls know how to do, it’s drop it like its hot. None of this, I grew up in an all-girls-east-coast-boarding-school-where-thinking-about-boys-was-illegal-so-i-barely-move-my-hips-type dancing. After leaving to grab another brewski I lost track of said freshman, but received a text: “ummm you’re like really chill.” She…GETS it. Unfortunately I had to leave for the bars and smaller age gaps, but her ensuing bbm game proved to be just as sharp as mine as she referred to me as “bro,” “hommie,” and “fool” all in the same convo. She really did read at a graduate level because that’s wisdom beyond her years when it comes to west coast communication… which leads me to state: if grinding with girls born after the Wall fell is wrong…I don’t want to be right.

The Verdict: by Mr Exclusive

While I’m so exclusive I only hook up with myself, I was actually chosen to moderate this debate of older vs younger, real housewives vs gossip girl, or days of our lives vs. the hills. Allow us to take examples from Hollywood-a place with all the answers. Example A: Hollywood Cradle Robbers:

Some people might “frown” upon anyone out of college having any sort of contact with underclassmen.  Lets look at Livestrong and Michelle (I didn’t bother learning the twin’s name because having someone look exactly like you isn’t excl). When she was 19, he was 34. Should we continue? When Catherine Zeta-Jones was 19, M. Douglas was 44, and when Anna Nicole was 19, J Howard Marshall was 84 (and probably dead). Now these were some of America’s “sweethearts,” and America didn’t have a problem with those cradle robbers.  But agreeing with America and Hollywood isn’t always excl. Lets look at Frat Guy’s scenario.

Example B: Hollywood Cougar Hunters

Most any guy will tell you Ashton’s a legend. Bruce got too old and bald, so the young gun who’s never really accomplished anything in Hollywood took over Demi, and eventually the family: thatsexcl. Ashton? HKI. He’s so excl now, he doesn’t even appear on his own show. Now sure Demi’s been around the block a few times, but therein lies the advantage: a cougar can identify young guys who are killing it and this makes them go in for their own kill. Clearly Frat Guy’s cougar could tell HKI, but did Mr West Coast’s young G.I. Jane have any idea? Frat Guy leveraged a voracious appetite, like Ashton did, and started killing it to the nth degree. But will Ashton and Demi end up looking like this (40 and 61)?

or this (41 and 54)?

Crows feet, Lifetime Original Movies, and Menopause? Too big a risk to run. Frat Guy…you DALOW but I’m going to have to side with the bro.

Related Posts:

• College: The Return Trip
• REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/17/10
• Katie Couric gets down… like REALLY DOWN [cougarwatch]
• My first kiss, a chronicle of losing
• The greatest/sketchiest site known to man – CougarLife

Age is Just a Number is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

In conflicting reports, some tech enthusiasts are calling Apple’s iSlate Steve Job’s swan song. Other pundits in the industry are proclaiming that the fabled tablet device doesn’t exist. Reuters claims Apple is holding its own exclusive event after the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) to unveil the new iSlate to the world.

We here at reallychill.org sent one of our reporters into the field and he came up with the following sound conclusion about the viability of an Apple iSlate.

Phillip Raymore
Reporting from The Apple Store
767 5th Ave,
New York, NY

The quest for the truth about the rumored iSlate device took us to what many people consider the astronomical center of the universe – New York City – where we interviewed former Apple Executive David Cadwell:

If you look at past Apple device launches, our history speaks volumes. At Apple, we have a tendency to deny all rumors until we reveal the final product. I kid you not, sometimes things are so exclusive at this place, we don’t even know for ourselves what we are working on.

My conversation with Caldwell was mind-boggling. I thought I was the only one on Earth to feel this level of exclusivity but apparently at Apple, management actually encourages engineers to work on products they don’t even know about. #THATSexcl. Like any accredited journalist, I verified David’s claims of Apple’s continuous denials of new products, most recently the denial of the iPhone’s existence (via techspot).

Taking David at his word, I concluded that talking to people at the top would get me nowhere. I decided to enter the flagship Apple store in Midtown Manhattan to find out what employees on the ground thought about the rumored Apple Tablet. I caught up with Lilly (who refrained from releasing her last name out of fear of losing her job):

I mean, an Apple tablet certainly is possible. I know I’m supposed to play up the facade that “I’m an Apple Genius” but to tell you the truth, sometimes people bring in devices that I didn’t even know we made.

While her claims were enlightening, the prevalence of skinny jeans, thick framed glasses and hipster fedora’s were too much to handle so we decided to cut the interview short.

We all saw what happened when the Crunchpad suddenly became JooJoo (via Engadget), the Time Inc Tablet concept (via TechCrunch) and Microsoft Courier leaked (via Gizmodo).  To say that Apple isn’t working in this space would be extremely shortsighted.

I made a few more calls, and actually had the pleasure of filing this report on the rumored tablet. Writing on a device that’s doesn’t even exist yet? Yeah, #thatsexcl

Related Posts:

• A really chill Apple iSlate/Tablet Playlist

[BREAKING NEWS] New Apple Table “iSlate” is so exclusive CEO Steve Jobs doesn’t know about it is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Arnold Posner arrested for breaking and entering into his own house

Local Members of the NAACB (National Association for the Advancement of Colored Bro’s) have decided to drop their case against the Jumpertown, Mississippi Police Department after officials deemed the whole incident a “misunderstanding” For some, the incident is already being called a Really Chill Christmas Miracle.

Last week, members of the black community were outraged when reports surfaced that Arnold Posner, a local resident of Jumpertown, was arrested for breaking and entering into his own home. His neighbor and high school football teammate Steve Falor made this comment to the Jumpertown Minute last week:

I mean, It was really messed up but I guess I kind of understand where the cops were coming from… this is a really nice neighborhood and there aren’t a lot of Black folk around, so if he was passing by… well… you know… he was breaking and entering… delivering presents.

After news of Posner’s arrest hit the 24/7 news cycle, the officer on the scene were questioned about his motive. Sergeant Jason McCormick later admitted

After it became blatantly clear to me that he was breaking and entering into his own house, I neglected the facts because I was hoping that we would —you know — all get to share a beer with president Obama and debate racial stereotypes.

sharing beers with obama ... reaallly chill

Members of the black community rose up in opposition to this clear display of racial injustice until the NAACB released this statement

Members of the African American community: we share your feelings of utter disgust and disapproval of the unjust treatment of African Americans in their own homes. In our effect to remain objective, when the police sergeant admitted his intentions, we concluded that his cause was just. We would like to join the officer and Arnold Poser at the table when beers start flowing with the President.

After this historic event came to a sound conclusion, executives from Hollywood began discussing film rights to “Arnold Posner: A Really Chill Christmas Mircale” with Mr. Posner. The film is labeled as a short vignette on how being chill is breaking racial stereotypes and uniting a nation this holiday season.

Mr Stereotype -Out

Read more comedy from Mr Stereotype

Related Posts:

• [PODCAST] Really Chill Cast 3 – Holiday Stories, NFL, Loopt, Foursquare & Manscaping
• [PODCAST] Really Chill Cast 2 – Blackberry, Obama vs Bush, Gym, Is that Chill?

[FIELD REPORT] Black Santa Claus arrested for breaking and entering his own house. is a post from: You're Like Really Chill