I'm So Exclusive
It's 2009, Jobs are out. Exclusivity is in

[BREAKING NEWS] New government program to support social media “expert” depression

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You’ve heard about them in the news and seen postings for their “services” on job boards. “Social Media Experts” – individuals who claim to have mastered Twitter/ Facbeook and can “help you do the same” – are destroying the industry they helped create. Their hardship and anxiety has been a source of pain for the American public.

We here at Really Chill decided to find out exactly what makes an individual a “Social Media Guru:”

Yeah it’s really simple actually,

said Steve, a self proclaimed That Guy (TG).

I just go online, look at the trending topics on Twitter, and play along with the racially-charged trending topics (#ifsantawasblack, #uknowuhood, #indaclub). Obviously,  I’m online 24/7 because that’s what makes an expert these days, right? That’s pretty much it, I mean I practically came out of the womb with a keyboard and Mac so I guess I’m a natural.

When asked about dropping “links” on friends and followers, a rigid tactic followed by all Social Media Gurus, Steve said,

I mean, how hard is it to alienate all of your friends with links they don’t even care about on Facebook and Twitter?

What was once a seemingly innocent tactic used to promote meaningless brands has taken its toll on self-proclaimed social media gurus.

We’re seeing a tremendous increase in anxiety and depression among this group,

said Dr. James McDonald, a clinical researcher from the University of Southern California.

Yeah I don’t get it,

said “Ron,” a Really Chill Bro (RCB) who declined to give his last name,

I mean, when I started out as a social media expert, Facebook only had like the cool people in college. Everyone loved it and since I was one of the first adopters, by extension they loved me too. As soon as Twitter and Facebook took off and I put Social Media Expert on my profile, people stopped talking to me… but that’s because I’m an expert, right?

We’ve see this all too often; loved ones becoming engulfed by the last year’s internet trend, “social media.” The toll it’s taken on families and relationships can’t be quantified, but cases of depression due to social media isolation has reached all time highs.

Word has reached the Obama Administration, which declined to comment but pointed us to one of their 209,452,023 websites dedicated to openness and transparency in the social media industry: socialmediadouchebag.gov.

If you or someone you know is suffering from social media depression, please check out the site for tips and advice. Remember, there is a cure for Social Media douchebaggery.

The cartoon originally appeared on Hubspot.

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Posted December 29th, 2009 in breaking news, comedy. Tagged: , , .
  • twittwat

    hahaha f u guys, but this is funny

  • #SocialMediaSucks

    ahahaha.. this is sooo true! these guys need to STOP

  • couchsurfingori

    That's classic. Glad you found my link. I like the video I have up, but the writing is definitely more witty here. Touche :)

  • http://twitter.com/reallychill reallychill

    haha don't be shy with the link throw it in there!

  • couchsurfingori

    If you like this witty writing, you should enjoy a very clear demonstration of exactly how to tell one of these Social Media Gurus… they're quite good at their craft :) http://www.couchsurfingori.com/2009/12/27/socia…

  • couchsurfingori

    The original text was just what it said– a tribute to a very well written post. Glad you left a link on my blog, 'cause now I know of this blog.

  • http://twitter.com/reallychill reallychill

    haha very nice, this guy also wrote a pretty succinct post about the topic as well: http://shankman.com/is-your-social-media-expert…

  • couchsurfingori

    I'm a big fan of Peter's. He's already agreed that I can crash his couch when I get to NY. Brilliant, and hilarious.

  • annieinthesun

    Too funny! I'm a Twitter newbie and try to pedal as fast as I can to be non-social-media-illiterate. You Rick-rolled me with the .gov link for SMD syndrome. At the risk of alienating all my friends, I just posted a link to That Guy's blog on Facebook.

  • http://twitter.com/thatsexcl thats excl

    I think the only thing we forgot to add to the post is the fact that if you share anything on this site you automatically become a guru of being chill, which as I just stated in my last post. is the most important thing one can do

  • annieinthesun

    Wow! That's like eating Chocolate Frosted Crunchy Sugar Bombs and getting a prize in the bottom of the box!

  • http://twitter.com/thatsexcl thats excl

    Wow, I don't know how to respond to that. I believe this is one of the first times I've been stumped.

    I would ask you this: Are the Chocolate Frosted Crunchy Sugar Bombs (CFCSB) the most exclusive cereal you have available to you?

    If not then, no it's not like the CFCSB, it's more like the diamond in the rough… Needle in the haystack, etc etc.

    You know what annie? your quest for exclusivity and being really chill is an inspiration to us all

  • annieinthesun

    Two words to help you with the otherwise arcane reference:
    Calvin & Hobbes (oops that was 3).

  • http://twitter.com/reallychill reallychill

    you are on fire right now haha

  • thecoolestcool

    Epic find! Simply hilarious…

  • reallychill

    haha thanks man, we welcome shameless self promotions in our comments so if you have something to plug… go right ahead… its Chill.

  • homebusinessbrains

    Hey Shama – an articles whose time has come…Well Done!

    The most interesting part of this conversation about “Social Media & Networking” is…

    Most – but not all, are seeing Social Media/networking as a new phenom – reality is – it's the same principles of conduct, respect and integrity we should have in a face to face meeting – now with the Internet and technology there's a sense that social media is some kind of science… or that it's even new…

    …which leads to people wanting to claim “expert” status…

    I believe the expert status can come from building and / or teaching the Tools of the trade… blogging tools, twittering tools, community tools… and when I say tools I mean the software that now runs our websites and marketing tactics.

    My advice as a 14 year online developer and marketer is to get proficient at learning the tools… and then ask yourself…

    Am I a giver or taker
    Am I a person of Intergrity
    Am I open to new ideas and debate
    Am I postively contributing to my market
    Am I genuinely impacting others for their benefit

    To me – on every level – business or personal – that's what I ask myself when using the Internet for networking and reaching my market.

    To me those are the questions of social media/networking – and the rest is simply learning new software –

    -which when we really consider what we're talking about
    - the software required to effectively stay on top of our social networking initiatives is not really difficult to use… relatively speaking of course… in fact, Web 2.0 has always been about speed, easy of use and scalability without constantly rebuilding… going modular.

    Broken down into two parts – Using Software and being a good person = Social Media/Networking

    Maybe those claiming expert and leading newcomers will want to check themselves as to what they are really an expert at – Being a Good, Decent & Genuine Person – or – A good teacher of information and software – or – Both.

    My recommendation to those first discovering the technology communication advancements for small business people online is find experts in communication skills, spiritual centered-ness and good ole business networking – because learning how to use Twitter, create a fan page on Facebook and setup a profile in LinkedIn is the easy part…

    So to all the self proclaimed experts – What exactly are you teaching? Social Skills or Software?

  • http://www.calumbrannan.com Calum Brannan

    Spot on ;)

  • http://twitter.com/reallychill reallychill

    haha thanks!

  • thecoolestcool

    No thanks I'm good! Just wanted to let ya know I REALLY enjoyed the post..

  • http://twitter.com/thatsexcl thats excl

    hahaha, choosing to do your own thing is REALLY exclusive. I applaud you.

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