Exclusivity 101

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The Most Exclusive Places to Live in the World via NYTimes is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

In a major statement Sunday afternoon in pristine Augusta, Georgia, Phil Mickelson not only won a major victory for good, family guys everywhere but he also proved that Flow can capture championships.

Sporting his signature KPMG black hat, Mickelson’s flow was in full effect throughout the tournament, a major factor that experts have attributed to his fine play. In fact, a Harvard Sociology study has shown that golfers with flow have exceeded public expectations during just about every Major. It remains to be seen what long-term effects Mickelson’s victory will have on Flow’s emergence on a mainstream level, but we here at Really Chill Dot Org could not be happier with this short-term victory.

Remember, don’t be a sellout: Let that flow continue to grow!

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BREAKING NEWS: Flowfection! Mickelson Captures Third Masters, Major Victory for Flow is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Raychel Coudriet, Tiger Wood's neighbor's daughter

Let’s do a quick recap of how chill Tiger has been lately.

• Essentially deciding to “do him” and coming back to golf – Check
• Doing work at work (by hooking up at his personal office – NY POST article) – Check
• The amount of times you hear a story about Tiger Woods in the media – Annoying
• The amount of money Tiger Woods is making from the reignited media coverage – Priceless

To all RCB’s(Really Chill Bro’s) out there, that are looking for examples of “doing me” look no farther.

Tiger Woods, You’re like REALLY Chill

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Tiger Learns to sh*t where he eats – Raychel Coudriet is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

During a recent trip back to their alma mater frat guy and mr west coast had two  things on their mind: getting weird and DALOW. In order to accomplish these goals, however, each man took separate paths. In the end, their journeys left each of them arguing which was the right path, or rather, which was less wrong…

Frat Guy’s Night: Instead of going out to all the college bars, I decided to go by myself (excl) down to the sketchier townie bars. Once there, my lack of a posse advertised that I was single and ready to DALOW. This aura immediately attracted attention from an older woman across the bar. She came over to me (not having to make the move? excl) and we started to chat it up. After a few drinks I found out that she works at the college I went to, is 39, and an ex-swimsuit model. It showed.

She had the eye of the cougar, and the quick analysis of her ringless finger proved she was hungry for a kill. Drinks turned to shots, 11pm turned to 1am, and before I knew it, I was walking her out the bar with my arm around her. I had only promised to “walk her to the car,” but the car proved to be den enough for this cougar. What ensued could only be described as aggressive. This woman-a decade and a half my senior-gave me a quick education in the backseat of the car on why women really are like a fine wine…

Mr West Coast’s Night: Some fellow bros and I headed to an army-themed party at the frathouse for some good old college-style partying. While drinking in one of the rooms I was introduced to two young freshman donning some serious fatigues. After talking to one from LA for a bit, I was interrupted mid-sentence when Juicy came on; “Hold on, this is my song.” Regardless of the fact she was 4 when this was released, that’s like a REALLY chill song to call “yours.”

A little more background revealed I wasn’t dealing with your typical 19 year-old Orange County girl. Juicy gave way to a sketchy closed-door dance party with multiple freshman girls and my fellow brahs (all 24, mind you). After a few shots and more drinks, the sketchiness continued on the bottom floor, where the party was going down. Conveniently, some worthless pledges had constructed some sort of “P.O.W. cage” which immediately served as grounds for freshman-year-style grinding and dancing. If there’s one thing west coast girls know how to do, it’s drop it like its hot. None of this, I grew up in an all-girls-east-coast-boarding-school-where-thinking-about-boys-was-illegal-so-i-barely-move-my-hips-type dancing. After leaving to grab another brewski I lost track of said freshman, but received a text: “ummm you’re like really chill.” She…GETS it. Unfortunately I had to leave for the bars and smaller age gaps, but her ensuing bbm game proved to be just as sharp as mine as she referred to me as “bro,” “hommie,” and “fool” all in the same convo. She really did read at a graduate level because that’s wisdom beyond her years when it comes to west coast communication… which leads me to state: if grinding with girls born after the Wall fell is wrong…I don’t want to be right.

The Verdict: by Mr Exclusive

While I’m so exclusive I only hook up with myself, I was actually chosen to moderate this debate of older vs younger, real housewives vs gossip girl, or days of our lives vs. the hills. Allow us to take examples from Hollywood-a place with all the answers. Example A: Hollywood Cradle Robbers:

Some people might “frown” upon anyone out of college having any sort of contact with underclassmen.  Lets look at Livestrong and Michelle (I didn’t bother learning the twin’s name because having someone look exactly like you isn’t excl). When she was 19, he was 34. Should we continue? When Catherine Zeta-Jones was 19, M. Douglas was 44, and when Anna Nicole was 19, J Howard Marshall was 84 (and probably dead). Now these were some of America’s “sweethearts,” and America didn’t have a problem with those cradle robbers.  But agreeing with America and Hollywood isn’t always excl. Lets look at Frat Guy’s scenario.

Example B: Hollywood Cougar Hunters

Most any guy will tell you Ashton’s a legend. Bruce got too old and bald, so the young gun who’s never really accomplished anything in Hollywood took over Demi, and eventually the family: thatsexcl. Ashton? HKI. He’s so excl now, he doesn’t even appear on his own show. Now sure Demi’s been around the block a few times, but therein lies the advantage: a cougar can identify young guys who are killing it and this makes them go in for their own kill. Clearly Frat Guy’s cougar could tell HKI, but did Mr West Coast’s young G.I. Jane have any idea? Frat Guy leveraged a voracious appetite, like Ashton did, and started killing it to the nth degree. But will Ashton and Demi end up looking like this (40 and 61)?

or this (41 and 54)?

Crows feet, Lifetime Original Movies, and Menopause? Too big a risk to run. Frat Guy…you DALOW but I’m going to have to side with the bro.

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Age is Just a Number is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Once in a while, however, the displaced Frat Guy will be summoned by colleagues Bro Montana and Bro Namath to make a bro-trip to their alma mater. The purpose of the journey is quite simple: get weird, kill it and DALOW(do a lot of work). Below, you’ll find some tips on how to DALOW as a sketchy, too-old for college, what-is-this-guy-doing-back-here-again alumni visitor.

• Timing: If you’re not one of the lucky ones to have a company that recruits new hires at your alma mater, your return visits to school are limited and unfortunately, debacherous nights can’t be expensed to your sweet I-bank. Therefore, you want to make sure you get the most out of a short weekend back. If the trip is in the fall, hit up homecoming. Spring: make sure pledges are around.

• Housing: Unless you’re a fan of sleeping on couches, every bro has to fend for themselves. One strategy is to find any friends you have left at school that know athletes who are on roadtrips so you can take over their rooms. Otherwise, you better be ready to DALOW.

• Eating: only the worst establishments will do. Only those that you frequented for lack of better options and that allowed you and your crew to bring 30 racks and subsequently destroy the place.

• Drinking: everyone has their favorite bar. Don’t waste your time anywhere else.

• Getting weird: whether it’s giving blacked-out piggy back rides to girls, tripping and causing a girl to chip her front teeth … or taking a wine-tour and getting “asked to leave” because members of your party are puking on the premises … or returning to your old rented house/apartment, which is now full of small Asian girls, and sitting down, opening a beer, and yelling “I NEED THIS” as they call the police … getting weird is essential to a successful return trip. While normally your course of actions would result in a “reputation” on campus, you won’t be around long enough for these types of things to catch up to you.

• Fratting: Just because you’re an alumni doesn’t mean you can’t utilize pledges for anything and everything. Additionally, paying visits to old hazing grounds, and giving current brothers ideas for new hazing which you thought up while grinding out Excel projects at work are all necessary. Attending fraternity functions is also key to getting weird and finding an eventual bed. Below, you’ll find an actual, post-bro-trip correspondence from an alumni-all star to his pledge brothers:

Guys: so, After waking up in the [frat] house Sunday morning covered in blood, and getting a ride back towards you guys from the chef’s wife, I did a little research to find out what the hell happened to me at the party.

According to Dave [one current frat bro]:

‘you were stumbling everywhere- smashing your head and body into walls. you made yourself throw up in the 2nd floor bathroom (which you subsequently flooded, and now the hallway is soaked). your nose started bleeding which is why your shirt is ruined. i brought you to the deck room and thats where you slept. i had a pledge check on you every 10 min to make sure you were alive. basically you were throwing yourself all over the place, and face planted on the dance floor. everyone saw you, even the pledges. they were like..’wow these alums are so fratty and don’t give a shit about anything.’ they loved it.’”

Notice the consistent themes: getting weird, getting really fratty, having no regard for your own health or others’ sanity as you spew all sorts of bodily fluids on them.

Have a good post-college return visit? Drop us a line in the comments.

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College: The Return Trip is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

This week we bring you a new phrase: #2 DALOW

DALOW: acronym for: Do A Lot Of Work. Origin: Greek. Verb. To accomplish more than what is normal or expected with the opposite sex. (*Note “work” does not refer to one’s profession, unless one’s profession is “killing it.”)

Variations: Did a lot of work, doing a lot of work.

Used in a context:

1. “Shawn, where are you?” “I’m at some stupid art gallery opening but there’s a ton of hot girls and all the guys are hipsters, so I’ve already got five numbers, and made out with some girl in the bathroom. I’m DALOW.”

2. “Yo did you do work last night” “Nahh…couldn’t DALOW. Shit got waay too weird at the bar.”

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REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/17/10 is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Obviously, an essential part of being REALLY chill is having your own terminology that, well, you and maybe a handful of people understand. For that reason, we decided to introduce a couple of key expressions that must be part of your vernacular if you want to be exponentially chiller than you currently are.

#1. YKI. (“Why Kay Eye”) Acronym for: “You’re killing it.” Verb. Origin: Greek.

The act of “killing” or “murdering it” in any situation, regardless of external factors such as country, weather, or social setting; winning at all costs, doing something legendary. Used in a sentence: “Jonny-I heard you got a table at 1Oak last night then took the bottle waitresses on your G6 to LA where you went to a party at the playboy mansion…YKI.”

Alternate uses: HKI-hes killing it, SKI-shes killing it. IKI-im killing it, I killed it, I’ll kill it, I’ve killed it. NKI – Not killing it.

Close synonyms: YMI: “You murdered/murked it.”

For the chillest of chill…“KMM” – “Kill Murder Murk” Used in a sentence: “I drank so much at that bar, got 10 girls numbers, lost my phone, and got thrown out of  own apartment complex. I KMM’d the night.”

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REALLY EXCLUSIVE: Rc.org’s “Really Chill Phrase of the Week”-3/18/10 is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

Charles Barkley

25. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: “You know why that little girl’s crying? It’s because she’s thinking ‘my daddy’s a wussy’”.

24. Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: “Both of y’all are2 going to hell for that. Y’all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they’re hot. Y’all are cruel man.”

23. “It’s kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith’s house.”

22. “I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.”

21. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: “Phone home.” And later he remarks to Kenny, “Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he’s not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon.”

20. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: “Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can’t just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the ‘hood.”

19. Asked if he had ever been in the governor’s office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. “They don’t let many black people in the governor’s mansion in Alabama,” he said, “unless they’re cleaning.”

18. On the goal of the ’92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: “To get the Canal back.”

17. To Kenny: “Hakeem couldn’t kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!”

16. Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked “is the first NBA player from Finland”. Charles replies: “Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he’s the only person in Finland.”

15. On supersized Oliver Miller: “You can’t even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.”

14. “All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.”

13. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: “Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots.”

12. I’d never buy my girl a watch… she’s already got a clock over the stove.

11. “I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I’ve got a technique. It’s called just go get the damn ball.”

10. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: “In between arrests they do community service.”

9. “Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn’t know anything about it personally but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine.

8. “Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they’re still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn’t do much for them.”

7. “When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.”

6. “Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I’m full.”? Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts

5. “I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.”

4. On the All-Star Game: “Hell, there ain’t but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of ‘em are right here in this room.”

3. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: “Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss’s wife having sex with a monkey.”

2. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: “Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?”
Charles: “Yeah I regret we weren’t on a higher floor”

1. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says.

“Somebody hits me, I’m going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me.”

submitted via email, thanks!

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Top 25 Charles Barkley Quotes is a post from: You're Like Really Chill

brobible does it again

big thanks to @iamsoexclusive for this submission

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Thanks brobibile.com

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