(1 votes)
Loading ...Frat Guy Reporting from Los Angeles, California
Last update from New York, New York
As of 21:41:04 UTC +500 – New York, NY
What was first labeled one of the greatest shortcomings in the history of mankind has quickly morphed into utter chaos. AT&T and Verizon (probably Sprint and T-Mobile too, but no one cares about those two) 3G, CDMA and Edge data networks have experienced what officials are calling “Inadvertent data communication failures.” To the layman, BLACKBERRY MESSENGER IS DOWN, pull your money out of the banks and start stuffing your mattress. The world is coming to an end.
Frat Guys and That Guys in major metropolitan areas are experiencing unprecedented levels of anxiety, mostly due to the BBM outage on the of precious days leading up to Christmas.
“This is a really important day for Those Guys,”
said Shawn, a 21 year-old senior at an undisclosed university in upstate New York.
“In fact, studies show that the days leading up to Christmas are second only to the day before Thanksgiving for doing work on random girls from the past. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
The world literally coming to an end, due to BBM outage
Like Shawn, many college-aged males cite the days leading up to Christmas as some of the most revered days of the year. It’s the time when males return to their old stomping grounds in a frenzy. Committing random acts of late night blackberry messaging is essential for frat guys to hook up with old hometown heroes and local slam pieces.
Typical "That Guy" attempting to rekindle a lost love during winter holiday season
Those Guys (TG’s) aren’t the only ones experiencing the pains of BBM outage. For Really Chill Bros (RCB’s) around the country, the BBM shortage is causing major health-related issues.
“I’m like reeeaally freaking out because now, like I can no longer go to a bar, sit in a corner – by myself — and have people watch me Blackberry Message(BBM for short) random acts of sketchyness to chicks across the bar, whose name I will probably forgot in 15 minutes,”
said Talan, a 22 year-old surfer from Newport Beach and self described RCB.
example of blackberry douchebaggery
Both AT&T and Verizon have received millions of complaints that the BBM outage has forced people to talk on the phone, which just isn’t that chill for some citizens.
“If I wanted to have an actual conversation with a human being, I would have bought an iPhone or something shittier a long time ago, like a flip phone”
said Alex, a junior at Ole Miss.
In some areas of the country, forced, verbal communication has brought out barbarian behavior. In Minneapolis, 15 people were arrested for setting their blackberries on fire in the middle of a public street. When asked what prompted such unprecedented action, lawyers of the accused cited
“extreme anxiety caused by awkward pauses and repeated lengths of silence.”
Like many across the country, these residents literally forgot how to preform verbal communication.
Please check reallychill.org for breaking news on the life threatening situation. Search for blackberry alternatives on amazon
There’s been an update to this story:
follow on twitter
fan on facebook