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Now that it’s Thanksgiving Break, bros have an obligation to perform at least some form of athletic activity to remind them how much they killed it in high school.
Posts Tagged ‘chilling’
Chill Off: Fratty Thanksgiving Activities
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Loading ... Loading ...Life lesson learned on Thanksgiving: I will play football and be in a fraternity. I’m killing it.
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Wait a minute … running over your nephews on Thanksgiving while playing in the annual family football game with the relatives you can’t stand? THAT’S FRATTY. This one image beautifully conjures up one of the greatest moments in human history: having children to breed super fratletes (athlete + fraternity).
In case you were wondering how this mission is fulfilled, here’s a sample path to legendary status. Write this down:
- Pee-wee sport all star (age 5-9)
- AAU Basketball, Traveling Soccer, Pop Warner Football (10-14)
- High school big man on campus (via Varsity football), Homecoming and prom king (15-18)
- Division I recruited athlete, frat star. (18-22)
Notice the crucial progression from Step 2 to Step 3. Fratty dads may idly watch as their son plays AYSO soccer, but soon enough DNA kicks in and that son will make the right choice: football.
What defines a fratty dad, you ask? Of course, they must coach their sons teams at all times, even if it means getting in fights on the sidelines during high school night games. Equally important, they must always prepared to bbq and tailgate and can change a tire or oil in under ten minutes.
They watch classic shows like MASH, wear Russell athletic sweats at home and always have “their chair” that no one else can sit in. Oh and the frattiest of dads will crash on his son’s couch when moving him into college. Just remember – no matter how fratty you are, your dad was probably frattier cause he grew up in the 70s and may have driven a mini van at some point.
The best day of the rest of your life, the day you know you’ve made it as a fratty dad is a sublime experience. It’s not wininng the Heisman, killing it at a bank, being in the highest tax bracket…
It is in, fact the day your son or daughter joins your fraternity. That’s when you’ll know you can rest peacefully.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Frat guy
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