(1 votes)
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The New York Times made headway this morning, taking a break from mainstream, plebeian topics like cilantro and those Tea Party people and instead, giving us a glimpse into where the most exclusive people on this planet live. Halfay between Africa and South America? 1000 miles off the coast of New Zealand? The capital of Greenland. They’ve got it covered.
(2 votes)
Loading ...Yeah so like… last week I probably wrote the most exclusive thing on this site: Mr Exclusive’s Exclusivity? There’s an app for that Guide book
Anyway you guys are really lucky because I’m going to give you a piece of advice I usually charge commoners for. It’s this little known technique called the CEA: The Counter Exclusivity Argument.
The Counter Exclusivity Argument is an art form used by exclusive individuals to refute claims of non-exclusivity. For example, if someone spots you (Lord forgive) waiting in line for something, you could use CEA to state:
“It’s actually more exclusive to be seen here in line, and have everyone else behind me, see me and then talk about me. Having people talk about you? #thatsexcl”
Notice that the above statement almost always ends in a proclamation of exclusivity (when online, you can abbreviate this statement by the hash tag “#thatsexcl” short for “that’s exclusive”).
The worst thing that an exclusive individual could possibly get accused of is being non-exclusive. That’s why I’ve come up with some simple tips on our to refute those outrageous claims in certain situations.
If you’ve read the IPOE guide, this situation can clearly be justified
“Yeah, so like, I’m going to be in this picture so you can put it on your facebook, and then I can de-tag it, just so people will have to ask you who I am #thatsexcl”
Again here, don’t be shy about lying. Try one of the examples from the exclusivity app guide.
“Hey, yeah I’m actually on the phone with myself (you called one phone from another phone – yours) so I can’t talk to you right now. #thatexcl”
Consciously refusing to go out in order to be by yourself is exclusive by nature. However, going out, being seen, cutting lines, spending money, etc etc, are all exclusive as well, which presents an inherent contradiction. Here’s how I handle this one. Go ahead and make plans with friends and family. Make sure you plan it carefully; pick the time, place, location, all the activities you will be doing with them. When show time comes, and you’re not there, people freak out, try to call you, desperately attempting to figure out where you are.
Here’s how you deal with this:
“Yeah… so like, I was going to meet up with you guys, but I realized how much I enjoy spending time with myself. Soooo like me… not being seen with you…. yeah… #thatsexcl”
When you get caught ordering two drinks, use this (this is RICH):
“Well I’m ordering two drinks so that I can drink one and then tell the bartender to pour the other on his head if he wants a tip. This way, women can see that I have money to waste (excl) and I can force others to degrade themselves for my pleasure…also excl. #thatsexcl”
There you have it. Please use these tips sparingly and only when you have to. As always, remember to stay exclusive – mr excl
(1 votes)
Loading ...Yep, you knew it was coming… we had to touch on this, because it’s getting out of control. Verizon and AT&T are going tit for tat over who has more 3G coverage, which network is bigger, what phone can run more apps – iPhone vs Droid – etc. Let me put this issue to bed right now.
The writing is on the wall. There’s no better proverbial f-you than when someone asks you, “Hey! what’s your number?” and being able to definitely say… “yeah… about that number… don’t have one, sorry.” The sheer look and expression of utter bewilderment that in the new digital millennium, you would actually choose to not participate with the rest of modern society (that’s exclusive).
The only thing more exclusive than not owning a phone, is not knowing the number to your own phone. Not because you are stupid, just because you never give it out #thatsexcl.
Imagine this, you’re at an interview, the interviewer is reviewing your resume, they ask the simple question? “hey, so your resume looks great! We’re going to definitely follow up with you on this, I noticed you didn’t leave any contact information… how would you like us to get in contact you?”
AH HA! You’ve got them exactly where you want them, this is it, this is the moment you know you are the most exclusive person in the room, the office, possible the entire world. You answer: “yeah… about contacting me… don’t worry about, i’ll contact you.” When you can convincingly walk out of a room and say that, that’s when you know, you’re like REALLY chill.
Personally, this is the option I choose. I have 3 phones
Phone #1 – this is the number everyone knows about (not exclusive). I usually don’t pick it up – you know, unless it’s receiving a call from one of my two other phones. Yes, you read this correctly, I actually have another phone that’s so exclusive it only calls my other phone. #thatsexcl.
Phone #2 – This phone is only used to call phone #1. I use this to call myself to remind me how exclusive I am.
Phone #3 – this is the phone I make outgoing calls from. I have a phone for the sole purpose of calling other phones but the number remains private so that no one will ever be able to call me back. The only two numbers stored in the contact book are phone #1 and phone #2.
So remember kids, the next time someone asks your opinion on a smart phone, and you wish to exhibit maximum exclusivity, you can definitively say:
“I really don’t know and I really don’t care. If you’re looking for a phone, I can’t help you because I don’t have one (you can say this even if you do have one). In fact, there’s an app for not having a phone: it’s called being exclusive.”
Mr Exclusive – late
(1 votes)
Loading ...I’m gonna get right to the point here. It seems contradictory but … the more people that know where you’re going, the more opportunity you have to get them go … somewhere else.
Don’t get lost in the seemingly convoluted syntax. As one of the creators of Exclusivity, I’ve had many years to both teach it, dream it, and live it, and I can write however I like. Exclusivity isn’t a fad – it’s a lifestyle. In other words, it’s something that develops over time. Let me justify the use of IPOE using the following social networks as contexts.
Followers – At first, it might seem that having less followers would make you more exclusive because less people would know who you are . But if there’s anything Mr. Exclusive can tell you, it’s the more exclusive you are, the more people want to know about you.
Therefore, use the IPOE as follows. Constantly keep your minions in check, let them know where you are, and where they can’t be at all times. Sometimes I update my twitter, tell everyone I’m a certain lounge, and then proceed to rent out the venue, just so I’m the only one there (exclusive). I throw parties so exclusive even the owner can’t get in, and then I put it on twitter, just so there’s a huge line of people OUTSIDE that know they can never get inside. Are things starting to click here?
Say more to be MORE exclusive.
I mean, this is almost too easy. Update pictures from your global travels, make sure that everyone who’s friends with you is in a position where they could never do what you do (excl). Oh yeah, and make sure it’s on your news feed.
I could write a novel on BBM exclusivity – you know, getting a new phone every week just so less people have your actual pin – but that would be child’s play. How about having as many open BBM conversations as possible just so you can “broadcast to all conversations” your exclusive exploits?
Don’t laugh, exclusivity isn’t the joke here … you are.
Mr Exclusive- late
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