I'm So Exclusive
It's 2009, Jobs are out. Exclusivity is in

Posts Tagged ‘guide’

#intro – You’re like REALLY Chill: The definitive guide to a lifestyle of exclusivity and awesomeness

From: The definitive guide to a lifestyle of exclusivity and awesomeness

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Ladies & Gentlemen,

We here at ReallyChill.Org are excited to announce that we are compiling the best content on this site into a manuscript entitled You’re Like Really CHILL: The Definitive Guide To a lifestyle of Exclusivity & Awesomeness.

The book is a numbered guide of all that is like really chill, written by your favorite personalities: Mr. Exclusive, That Guy, Frat Guy, Mr. West Coast and others. Sit back, enjoy a single malt scotch alone at a bar while everyone waits outside in the rain, and let us illuminate the secrets of leading a really chill lifestyle.” When is it appropriate to change the music at a party?’ “What basic steps can I take to make myself more unavailable and, hence, more exclusive? We’ll touch on these life-altering subjects and many more.

If you are interested in carrying the novella in your establishment (we hear that people still go to bookstores these days, even though we ourselves have deemed reading materials anti-exclusive), please drop us a note by contacting us

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The single greatest moment in human history – the mailman

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mailman

There are vast and intriguing tales about the significance and origin of this historic and timeless pose. Ancient cultures have written about the benefits of blood circulation and oxygen due to the right angles and the stoic posture. Mayan ruins dating back to the 500′s seem to indicate that some form of the Mailman formed the basis for religious rituals and human sacrifices – a claim substantiated by Christopher Columbus in his well-kept manifestos safeguarded by the Illuminati.

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Christopher Columbus imitating Mayan ritual

Many attempt it with confidence and resilience but few pull it off with virtuoso and aplomb like its forefathers intended. The modern variation of this pose – the one we all know know and love – is actually quite mysterious in its origination.

Although the position has been used overwhelmingly by the Alumni of Cornell since the Revolutionary War, the small on the hill did not, in fact, christen the modern variance of this powerful cadence. Legend has it that perfectly crafted pose originated with a young Canadian ice fisher who hailed from what is now Western Ontario – a poor and desperate soul vehemently searching for the best way to optimize flow of alcohol from beer to orifice. His name has been lost to us but his legacy lives on.

IceFishing

Canadian Ice Fisher

Most of us see some resemblance of The Canadian in a rich, inspirational and elegant silhouette that is both dazzling and complex in its simplicity: The Mailman. The art form -one knee down, one arm behind the head – was dutifully transferred from its Canadian roots to mail room of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity at Cornell University (Ivy League).

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Historic mail room located to the right of the front entrance

It was there in that very Mailroom – on a sacred and frigid October night in 1783 – that the Canadian entered the hallowed ground of SAE to impart this tradition to the brothers of this fine fraternity.

Let’s run through various scenarios of when the mailman is appropriate.

To inconvenience everyone around you

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Inappropriately in public

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At Birth

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Informing local indigenous populations around the world (and in London)

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Any situation where you are the center of attention

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There you have it. The mailman. It sure is fratty, please use with caution.

What is your favorite drinking position? Let us know in the comment section after the jump.

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