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It’s 11 p.m. on a Saturday night. What was supposed to be a fratty pregame with some college bros and maybe a couple randos has quickly morphed into a rager. Beer pong balls are flying around the room and someone just popped a couple of bottles of Goose — that’s Geese. A sketchy dance party is in full effect. You’re eyeing one of the blondes in the corner who works with your friend Kristy and she catches your gaze with a smile.
Jason Derulo’s “Watcha Say” is on blast – it’s been your go-to song all summer and – you start grinding against the blonde. You bring out your signature dance move – the invisible microphone, obviously – and she grabs your hand and starts singing along to the chorus. “Jackpot,” you say to yourself as you take a swig of your Jack and Coke while your hand moves against her waist.
She’s feelin you and starts moving in closer. You’re about to motion her to your room to “take shots and maybe watch an episode of ____” when suddenly the music stops. “What the fuck!” you shout as you glare at the culprit unplugging your iPod from the other side of the room. He’s wearing flannel, tight jeans — the token hipster of the party that no one knows — and you overhear him talking about this “really chill trance DJ from Iceland” that he’s trying to “you , know blow up” in the U.S.
You desperately try and grab the blonde work before it’s too late but the damage is done. She bolted. You lost.
Lesons of Losing:
- Never leave your iPod in plain sight
- Trance music – unless specified strictly for after hours purposes – is, like, nott that chill
- If someone says that a new track is like “reeaally chill” it’s probably “not that chill” because you haven’t heard it yet. Therefore, it should not be played at your party.
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