So, like, this weekend, I violated a cardinal rule in fratology: I WENT to a CLUB. Needless to say, it was an unpleasant experience for this fraternity veteran. Highlights of the night included 14 dollar jack and cokes instead of $.50 PBR’s, foreign “models,” and Euro dudes in Ed Hardy dancing to techno music by themselves.
Just when I thought I would have to retire my letters out of shame, I saw something out of the corner of my eye: a bunch of dudes in blowouts fist-pumping with their shirts completely unbuttoned. “Had Los Angeles really deteriorated into Long Island?” I thought as I watched a dozen lemon drop shots being consumed by said individuals. Upon further inspection, the bare-shirted clowns proved to be none other than Paully D, Mike “The Situation” and some tagalongs of MTV’s flagship show, The Jersey Shore. Not to be outdone, 4’9 Snookers and J Woww in close by tow. The scene outside Mi6 courtesy of TMZ (Best line “Snookie is a real person, dude!”):
We had a nice little chat last week about probably one of the most disgraceful and offensive programs MTV has ever debuted, The Jersey Shore. As if it wasn’t enough that we viewers had to sit through episodes of Road Rules, Real World and Made, MTV decided 2009 was the time to really throw is in the mud: A show about a bunch of self-proclaimed “guidos” and “guidettes” spending a summer in a shore house with a map of Italy on the front.
As if “real life” on “The Shore” wasn’t bad enough for the network, MTV staff affiliated with the show have been receiving death threats. From The NY Daily News:
“The MTV building inTimes Squarewas getting crazy threats and they are in the process of hiring more security [and] bodyguards,” an insider revealed to Fox News. Those involved with the press for the show were particular targets — receiving threatening emails, abusive phone calls and even hurtful Facebook messages, says the insider.
Clearly, this show was a terrible idea given that it has received this backlash. Even Domino’s has pulled the trigger, refusing to advertising spots during The Jersey Show. And yet…like… hear at ReallyChill.org, we just can’t stop watching it. Is “Snookie” from Poughkeepsie actually going to leave The House? Who’s The Situation going to do work on?
From the first clips of “Video Killed the Radio Star” launching MTV into a multi-billion dollar empire based on music videos, the media mogul has now sunk to a new low. Why you ask? Well, the “stars” of the Jersey Shore will surely kill MTV in the new “thrilling” series to launch this December.
Running low on show ideas? Let’s take a bunch of guidos from Staten Island, pay for their “shore house” for a summer, and see what kind of drama unfolds in the Armpit of America (New Jersey)…
Now for my fellow West Coasters who, after watching this, are baffled by the phenomenon of this “guido” grade douche bag, brace yourself. On the East Coast, not only is this breed of animal widespread in certain areas (Long Island, Staten Island, & New Jersey), but some women, as MTV demonstrates, are actually attracted to it.
Let’s start with the hair. Yes, you saw correctly: a young man with a suitcase full of gel, presumably to last him a few weeks. Now, growing up on the West Coast, I can’t hate on gel, cause we all used it…in SIXTH GRADE. But using an entire bottle each night when you go out to get that perfect “blowout” look is just comical.
As far as that guy who only talks about his abs and shows them off…I don’t think it can get much more toolish than that. Calling your abs the “situation,” and likening yourself to Rambo while shadow boxing alone in an aerobics room? NOT chill. Mr West Coast will be the first to tell you he doesn’t have a six pack. Thats because he and Frat Guy have thrown back too many PBRs, Stones, Natties, and Beasts together, while Sammy Six Pack was drinking protein shakes and working out during his breaks from his office job as a telemarketer.
Girls comparing themselves to insects and being proud of it?
“I’m like a preying mantis…”
Wow, honey…you’re like REALLY chill. Oh wait, you’re some psycho girl from Staten Island who’s in “beauty school” and waiting to find “mr. right” at the Jersey Shore.
And last time I checked, “guido” was an offensive term. Maybe someone should tell that to the kid that says
“being a guido and Italian…you’re family is really important to you.”
I won’t even call in Mr Stereotype from the bullpen to give us a simile on that one.
Do you think Tupac ever went to the Jersey Shore? Hell no. He was killing it in Malibu, where people are normal, waves are bigger, and the term “blowout” doesn’t exist. This show would make Biggie roll in his grave. The Jersey Shore encompasses everything I hate about the East Coast: tools, douches, and beach communities that are NOT chill.
“You never know whats going to go down at the shore…”
Actually I do:
a bunch of guido guys will get in guido fights with each other over guido girls while wearing graphic tees
people will say things like “lets get it poppin”
driving their dads’ Range Rovers.
Some sappy music will accompany some dramatic story lines about a girl that is a bartender and “does great things” and
a guy wont be able to score enough steroids to keep up with Rambo the Situation, and …
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