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Yeah yeah yeah, everyone relax. I’ve received a number emails and tweets about mr exclusive only writing one post so far… guess what? That’s because I’m being, like, exclusive.
There’s been a lot of “that guy” this, “frat guy” that, “mr stereo-clown” nonsense on this site lately. Which is why I’m back to right the ship, set the record straight, reclaim the title of the chillest author on this site.
Anyway, without further ado let’s – and by “let’s” I mean, “me” (not that we would ever do anything together and god forbid at the same time in the same room) – dig in.
The Basics of Thanksgiving Exclusivity
The fundamental problem with the holidays is the values are completely at odds with everything exclusivity represents. Let me illustrate.
Thanksgiving:
During Thanksgiving Day families and friends usually gather for a large meal or dinner … Thanksgiving Eve, the night before Thanksgiving, is one of the busiest nights of the year for bars and clubs, as many college students and others return to their hometowns to reunite with friends and family.[27]
Exclusivity:
1 a : excluding or having power to exclude b : limiting or limited to possession, control, or use by a single individual or group
2 a : excluding others from participation b : snobbishly aloof
3 a : accepting or soliciting only a socially restricted patronage (as of the upper class) b : stylish, fashionable c : restricted in distribution, use, or appeal because of expense
I really wish I was making this up, but facts are facts. Thanksgiving is inherently non-exclusive. It focuses on foriegn concepts like “being with other people” or “gathering” – whatever that even means.
You might call me hypocritical because in my previous post about IPOE, I stated one must seek a lot of friends on facebook and followers on twitter. But, if you recall, this is merely to misdirect people into NOT physically being able to meet up with you.
How should you maximize your exclusivity on Thanksgiving? Here are some suggestions:
- Location
- Eat in the most exclusive place possible. Don’t hold back here, make sure it’s really hard to get to, or ultra expensive – just so you can let everyone else know that you’re still “killing it” in the “recession.” (Suggestion – try having thanksgiving dinner on your own yacht, make sure you’re the only one invited, and the only other people around are servers and cooks.)
- Food
- Don’t cut corners here, you must make sure everyone else knows how exclusive you are. Order your thanksgiving feast from the most exotic place possible – you know, like, buy a wild turkey, ship it to Antarctica, and then a year later send a search and rescue team to capture this exclusive poultry. Make sure you perform this function a place where turkeys do not exist naturally. Of course, the more people you displace and inconvenience with your exclusive antics, the better.
- Staff and support services
- Spare no expenses here, this will make or break your exclusive event:
- Photographers (it’s not exclusive unless other people know how exclusive it is)
- World renound chef – make sure he/she can’t spend the day with their family. At first, he may resist, but remind him that
being alone on Thanksgiving (or lucky enough to be in your presence) is the most exclusive thing he could possibly do.
There you have it. Keep is simple, and to yourself, waste money and yeah be exclusive.
Oh yeah, and the only thing to be thankful for is yourself (that’s really excl), so dis-invite your family from your meal.
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